Self Insert Evangelion
by luckychaos
Summary: A guy from the real world lands in NGE, but is less than happy about it. While desperately searching for a way back home, he worries that he might not survive a far more brutal Angel War than what he expected. The Angels are the least of his concerns, however, when he tries to change things for the better and realizes he's woefully out of his depth.
1. Chapter 1: Lost and Delirious

Ringing.

My ears were ringing. A constant, reverberating screech. Washing everything out, pulling the world down to white noise in a single note.

The world was grey. I blinked, and it segued to white, then to grey, then to clouds of dust swirling past my head, clogging and thick and making me choke. The ground was poking into me, tiny little points of irritation stabbing at my skin, face-first against... rubble?

The shrill ringing was muffling the rest of the world out into dull roars.

An explosion? An explosion of some kind? Oh Christ, did the gas go? Did I leave something on?

I dragged my knees in and tried to rise. Everything was stiff and numb, save the little dull points of pain all across one side, as if the entire left side of my body had been slapped. Hands scrabbled for purchase. Feet shifted through the loose, shingly ground. I was up against a wall, and my floor was an ever shifting pile of rubble, but all the smoke and concrete dust blocked out anything else, lungs included. I had to hack and cough to breathe, blink to see and all I could hear was that damn ever-presentringing_._

Then a gigantic purple hand flew out through the dust, clipping through the wall above my head with just one of its fingers, tearing the clouds of dirt asunder in it's path...

Dull roars behind the ringing. No, that wasn't it at all. That was roars **above** the buzzing.

Out under an inverted sky, Unit 01 roared. Battered, bloody, and now short an arm, the full feral of it's rage state. A wounded crouch amongst the fallen superstructures of the Geofront ceiling, straight into a charging leap of animalistic fury. And in it's path...

Eyes blazing with unholy fire, Sachiel answered.

**Self Insert Evangelion**

**By: luckychaos**

**Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion and all related properties all belong to Studio Gainax and Hideaki Anno**

It was only a moment, and then the dust clouds shut again, the cacophony of roars finally reaching my wounded ears. Either way, I knew where I was, now. What was happening? So surreal...

I realize it probably wasn't the wisest decision I've ever made, but... waking up in the aftermath of an explosion, and seeing that? It was unbelievable. Impossible. I had to confirm it, see it again with my own eyes. I could hear sirens now, screams. The rubble was at an incline, and I half clambered, half skidded my way down it, shards and rebar tugging at my ragged jeans the entire way down. Thuds of guns somewhere far off... and the deafening sounds of giant objects smashing against each other, each impact rattling the very ground and sending more rubble pattering down on my head. Who was winning? I couldn't say. There were sudden searing bursts of sheer **noise**, lighting the world asunder - I'm guessing, with hindsight, probably Sachiel's eye beams - but the choking fog made it impossible to see. At some point, my feet met solid pavement, and even then I just kept running until the smoke cleared.

An apocalyptic street; that was my first thought.

The power in this area had clearly failed, the lighting coming from the surviving sections through the oppressive smoke and local fires, painting the world a mixture of grays and oranges. Humanoid shapes staggered in the mists, people just as blinded and battered as I was... I could see a car, a familiar blue Alpine, smashed upside in what used to be a guard post, it's barrier broken and lying on the street. A few signs still hung... I was in a train station. What was left of a train station. The Geofront had a hole in its top, straight out into the open sky. Several of the retractable skyscrapers had already fallen through, peppering the landscape like darts, just their twisted silhouettes through the low-lying smoke.

Speaking of twisted silhouettes...

A giant blur careened through the air towards us, flying straight over my head to smash directly into the Geofront's wall, the sheer blast of the impact sending a shockwave through the entire area, felling any remaining walls and sending me onto my backside with sheer overpressure and noise. I got a glimpse; a shattered and broken form of EVA Unit 01, one arm missing, one eye cracked and its chest armour buckled and melted, before it fell back down under a deafening hail of debris.

With a rhythmic series of thuds, Sachiel stomped forwards, each footfall a hammerblow, looking for all the world the Angel of Death above the fires and remaining searchlights. That damn mask flared...

Again with hindsight, looking at the Angel as it was about to fire was a _very_ stupid move. I was blinking away spots, trying to get everything to back down from a blinding haze of light, the retort of the shot and the sheer sound of it overwhelming my ears again...

At this rate, I was going to be leaving this fight both blind and deaf, if I left it at all.

I was blinking, scrambling, panicking, the ground constantly shifting and shaking with the titans colliding far above my head... I couldn't see, all I could hear was a tumult of noise... at one point, I suddenly found myself drenched in some utterly foul smelling liquid I was praying wasn't blood or LCL...

When things came too, the world was still shaking and my view cooled down to an unnatural green.

I had to blink several times to realize what I was looking at.

All was purple and green. And it wasn't the EVA.

The purple was blood. Angel blood. _Everywhere_. By this point, I was staggered on my knees, barely able to keep upright with the constant quaking ground, and it was pooling so deep it came up to my elbows and covered my knees. I was practically swimming in the putrid stuff. And in front of me...

Ripped and torn, the small details looking so out of place on something so huge, it was one of the Angel's arms. Or bits of it, torn and broken, either bitten, pulled or snapped off. Possibly all of them. Further along, at the source of the quaking, the Eva was furiously pounding a torn out claw against a red orb the size of a multistory house-

-Wait.

Unit 01 was about to kill Sachiel.

Sachiel was right in front of me.

Sachiel _explodes_.

_SHIT._

_

* * *

_

* * *

The ceiling was just like any other.

I blinked, trying to get a grasp of where I was now. Soft sheets were draped over me, almost encouraging me to fall back asleep with their soothing gentleness. I groaned and tried to raise myself up, but just couldn't find the energy to do so. I laid back down on the bed, trying to collect my thoughts.

_An empty grey and blue plugsuit floating in a large tube filled with orange liquid. _

_A red-haired girl screaming in agony as holy light shines upon her._

_A blue-haired pale girl wracked in pain as veins bulge all over her body. _

_Nine white Evangelions grinning as they feast upon a fallen giant. _

_Empty clothes lying in puddles of orange fluid. _

_A giant woman rising from the earth's surface, smiling as crosses blaze around the world and humanity screaming as it dies. _

Oh, no. Please, no. I shut the images out, desperately trying to keep control. My hands clenched the sheets and shook horribly. My breathing was getting ragged.

Okay, calm down. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. My body relaxed and my hands relinquished their hold. Deep breaths.

I just needed to think. I looked around the room, a simple small place with a window across from the door. Outside I could see a lake and a forest (am I in the Geofront?)and I heard the steady _beep beep _of my heart rate on the monitor. All I did was look out the window and stare at the trees for a few minutes, getting some peace from watching the leaves shudder in the wind.

I almost jumped out of my bed when a nurse opened the door. For a quick moment I wondered whether I'll understand her or not. I don't know any Japanese, but I didn't have the slightest clue what was going on.

"Mr. Harada," the nurse greeted, "Dr. Akagi is here to see you." Well, that answers one question. One of hundreds. Like why my name is now Harada.

A woman walked through the door behind the nurse, and I immediately recognized Ritsuko, the blond head of Project E. I think I know where this is going.

Ritsuko nodded at the nurse, and said "Thank you. If you don't mind, I'd like to speak with Mr. Harada alone."

The nurse smiled and bowed "Of course." and makes her exit, closing the door behind her.

"So, Mr. Harada," started Ritsuko as she peered through her glasses at the clipboard she was carrying, "How are you feeling?"

I didn't realize how dry my mouth was until I opened it. I paused to lick my lips, and then told the truth.

"A little sore...and a bit confused. What am I doing here?"

Ritsuko frowned and wrote something down. "Frankly, I'm surprised you survived at all. The explosion from the Angel's self-destruction devastated everything in a two-mile radius. You were found with several large bruises all over your back, but it was nothing too serious. However, what _is _serious is your concussion."

I have a concussion? I don't feel like I do.

"Are you having difficulty remembering things?" she pressed, pen ready and waiting on the clipboard.

"Uh, I can't remember the past few days." Good enough excuse as any, I suppose.

Ritsuko let out a long sigh and jotted a few words on her paper. "Well, the specifics will be given to you later, but there is something crucial you need to know now. Do you know why you're here?"

I gulped. I knew it. I knew exactly what was happening. I shook my head, wanting to hear her say it.

Ritsuko took a deep breath and stated "Keniuchio Harada, as of last week you have been designated the Fifth Child by the Marduk Report. You have been sent here from Chicago-2 to join the Evangelion project and become the Pilot of Evangelion Unit 04."

Is it pathetic of me to have almost thrown up?

After scheduling my first synch test, tomorrow at noon, Ritsuko left again, but not before saying that I should be out of here by tonight. I asked where I was going to stay, but she just shrugged and said "We'll work it out."

My first thought was that Ritsuko was being a little over-dramatic, what with her saying my whole name (conveniently) and all. But if I remember correctly she was like that when Shinji first came to NERV, so I guess that's just how she is.

My second thought was that I _am not _looking forward to becoming an EVA pilot. Call me crazy, but the thought of feeling the pain of having limbs broken, eyes gouged, and innards ripped apart was not an appealing one. I probably should've guessed this was going to happen, because why else would I be here?

My third thought was that I felt…I don't know, _off_ would be the best word to describe it. As in, my whole body felt different. My hands were smaller, and I no longer had that scar running down my pinky that I got from playing with a metal wire. So I was now….what was my name again? Keniuchio Harada. That was it. I'm probably fourteen now, too. Hopefully puberty won't be so annoying the second time around.

I sighed and leaned back in my bed. I probably should be wondering how I got here, but I figure it'd be kind of pointless. Now, getting _back _on the other hand….

Staying in this world is not an appealing thought. I'm not a fan of turning into tang and losing my sense of individuality, thank you very much. I could try to make things better, I guess. Give Shinji some confidence, work Asuka through her issues, have Rei become more than a doll. Maybe even save Kaji.

And it all ends with SEELE chained up and waving their fists, shouting "And we would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you pesky kids and your abominations, too!" Then we all live happily ever after, complete with pretty rainbows and smiles for everyone. Oh, and to sweeten it all, I hook up with Rei since that's apparently every _EVA _fanboy's fantasy.

It could happen.

It was one o'clock p.m. A few more hours and I should be off. Guess I'll just sleep. As my eyelids closed, I faintly heard the sound of distorted giggling mixed with a chorus not unlike a church choir. The image of an Angel beak mask flashed in my head and I was unconscious.

_The glory of FATHER's physical form is enough to make the Angel of Water almost kneel in it's holy presence. SACHIEL trembles, letting the light of his SOUL spread out in a display of his power, appealing to FATHER, showing that he was worthy._

_Surely FATHER would only accept the strongest of it's CHILDREN to come back to HIM. _

_SACHIEL felt rage at seeing his FATHER brought to such low a state by HER foul brood. The cruelness of FATHER's great enemy knew no bounds in his eyes. There FATHER lay, stuck to a foul creation of the LILIM in such a sacrilegious manner. The wicked ways of LILITH end this day, SACHIEL promised._

_The Angel's SOUL pulsed and writhed on his chest, demanding release. A halo formed over SACHIEL's physical form as he rose to embrace FATHER for the first and last UNION. FATHER's pasty white skin began to bubble and churn in anticipation, and a gaping maw burst from HIS chest, growing larger as it expanded outward. It devoured SACHIEL, absorbing his form into FATHER's._

_And then SACHIEL KNEW._

_SACHIEL, rather than let emotion consume him, noticed that HER SOUL was nothing more than a VOID, empty of light. A VOID that needed to be FILLED. _

_And so SACHIEL pushed his SOUL into the VOID, creating a never-ending SPIRAL of power that immediately destroyed the entirety of the BLACK MOON. _

_SACHIEL rose, reborn in a perfect UNION of FATHER and LILITH. His mighty wings unfurled, encompassing all the earth. _

_SACHIEL, the First Creation of the FATHER, the Third Angel, sung the SONG that ENDED and CREATED the earth._

I screamed until my throat was hoarse, and I started coughing horribly.

A nurse opened the door, a worried expression on her face. She was holding a syringe and seemed ready to use it. I shook my head quickly before she could move and mutter "Just a bad dream."

Her frown deepened. "Okay, but if this happens again I'm going to have to use this," she lifted the syringe up. I nodded as she left. Post traumatic-distress disorder isn't fun.

But I don't think that was it. I felt as if I _was _Sachiel, bringing about the destruction of humanity and the birth of, I don't know, Sachielity. I really hope this doesn't mean I'm an Angel, because that would be such a lame-ass twist.

I'm actually a little afraid to fall back asleep, so I might as well wonder about my situation while I'm thinking about it.

I'm pretty sure I'd be strapped to a lab table being dissected right now if I had an S2 organ, so I think I can safely rule being an Angel out.

So what the hell am I doing here? Alright, I'm piloting Eva, but what is one more pilot going to do, kill Angels quicker? I don't have any traumatic past; my parents raised me just fine in my opinion, so I'm not here for psychological drama. Keniuchio Harada, on the other hand, could be a poor orphan whose mommy went to work one day and never came back.

Something has to have changed, now that I think about it. Maybe some events are out of whack, some Angels are more powerful than before, Sachiel being a shining example of that.

A knock on the door knocked me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I call out.

Ritsuko was back, this time with none other Major Misato Kasturagi in tow. Oh, wait, she's still a Captain. Well, I can see where this is going.

"Hello, Mr. Harada." greeted Ritsuko, "This is Captain Misato Katsuragi. She'll be your guardian for the time being."

Misato waved at me. "Pleased to meet ya, Mr. Harada. Well, I think you probably prefer Keniuchio over Mr. Harada, right?"

Man, was she gorgeous. I scratched the back of my head nervously and stuttered "A-actually just Ken is o-okay." Oh god, here comes the awkwardness around girls all over again. Damn teenage hormones!

Catching my nervousness, she wasted no time playing up her flirting act and winked at me and said "Ken it is then! Or do you like Ken-chan?"

"J-just Ken is fine." Ugh.

Ritsuko groaned and put a hand to her forehead. "Honestly, Misato? You're not even in the car yet."

Misato laughed in response. "Aw, come on Ritsu, you know I'm just teasing! You know that, right Ken-chan?" God damn that wink to hell.

I just laughed anxiously and gave Ritsuko a pleading look. She sighed and shook her head. "You'll be living with her for now. This is mostly because another pilot already lives there, and it'll be best if you two develop a good working relationship as soon as possible."

"So there are other pilots? You said I was the Fifth, right?"

She nodded. "That is correct. Only two are currently active, while the other three, including you, are on standby until your EVAs can be moved here."

What followed was pretty much a lowdown on everything I knew already. Angels are attacking, must protect humanity, etc. I know the job description was necessary to new recruits, but I wouldn't exactly consider myself as such, so I just tuned out the rest.

When that was finally over, I was taken out of the hospital room and went to the garage with Misato and Ritsuko. It was only when I actually sat in the car (I had to force myself to sit on the right side as a passenger) that I remembered Misato's infamous driving skills, almost as bad as her cooking. Well, it can't be that bad, right?

You'd think someone as genre savvy as I would know not to ask stupid questions like that.

Ritsuko gave Misato a stern warning, reminding her that I just got out of the hospital and I don't need another trip back. The Operations Director didn't even bother defending herself, who just chuckled nervously and said she might go only forty-percent on me.

After roughly thirty seconds in the car with her, I realized that it wasn't so much that she's bad at driving, it's just that she seemed to go out of her way to hit _every frigging bump _between destinations. Thankfully Misato kept my mind off that with casual conversation.

"So, you're from Chicago-2, right? I've only been to the US a couple of times, so I don't really know much about it. What's it like?"

Note to self: learn up on post-Impact United States. Actually, that might be kind of fun. It'd be interesting to see what changes an apocalypse brought to my country. Best guesses for now, though.

"Crowded," I answered, "And I actually used to live in town close by the city, which was much nicer." Probably gone now, though.

"You know, I actually prefer crowds. All the energy, ya know? But I can see why someone would like a quieter place."

"Yeah, cities have never really been that appealing to me. I like a slower pace to things."

"Heh, that sucks for you then!" she said good-naturedly, "Tokyo-3's busy busy busy! I haven't been here that long myself, but everyone here's really quick about getting things done. I kinda like it that way."

Seeing an opening for more info, I pressed in on it. "Why's it like that? Doesn't the entire city work for NERV?"

She nodded. "Yep, mostly. There's a few other businesses here, just a few fast food places I think, but everyone here's on NERV's payroll. It actually helps a lot, a sort of order to the chaos of a city, I guess."

A few minutes passed by in silence, which thankfully didn't feel that awkward. Nonetheless, I decided to ask another question.

"So what're the other pilots like?"

Misato tapped her chin and answered, "Hmm, well, like Ritsu said, only two are technically active right now. The First is Rei Ayanami; I haven't really had the chance to meet with her yet, but she seems like a nice enough girl, if a little on the quiet side. She's cute too." Again with the wink.

I had little doubt that I'll be attracted to her physically; it'll just be the whole emotionless act that might turn me off. I know that it's mostly an act, but trying to erode that mask away might be more effort than it's worth, if Third Impact happens all over again.

She continued, "The Second is up in Germany right now; you'll meet her later. The Third is the one who you'll be living with right now. His name's Shinji. He's sweet, but kinda shy. He just needs a friend, I think. Hopefully you can help with that."

Jesus, she sounded like my mom pointing out the awkward kid at a party for me, practically ordering me to conjure a friendship right on the spot. Just the fact that she even said that sparks a little bit of childish rebellion in me, but I quickly squashed that out. It would no doubt be for the best if I became friends with him.

I shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. So who's the Fourth?"

Misato put on a look of concentration for a few moments, than palmed her head with an annoyed grunt. "Damn, I forgot his name already. I know he lives here already, though. You'll meet him at school."

Touji, no doubt. Hopefully Bardiel won't screw him over again, but that's unlikely if Unit 03 is already on its way over here.

Something clicked in my mind, and I feel kind of stupid for not catching it earlier.

"Wait, why are there so many pilots officially named if only two EVAs are here?"

"Weren't you listening earlier?" Oops. Guess there was stuff I needed to know after all. I shook my head and she continued, "Well, you saw first-hand how powerful that Angel was, right?"

I shuddered at the memory and nodded.

She shrugged. "Well, the Commander had been requesting more of the EVA series to be moved to Japan for the past few weeks, apparently. He said that the current amount wouldn't be sufficient and, of course, the UN didn't believe him. They thought he was trying to develop a bigger power base," She scoffed, clearly disgusted, "Arrogant bastards and politicians. The Marduk Report even declared two more pilots, you and the Fourth obviously, but the UN still didn't want to give. Of course, the Angel finally hits and, surprise, the Commander was right! So now we got three EVAs coming in as soon as possible."

I don't know what terrified me more; the fact that the Angel War was escalating further than before, or that Gendo may actually know what's going to happen ahead of time.

Somehow Misato misunderstood my bug-eyed horror for wide-eyed excitement.

"Pretty cool, huh? Good to know you won't be off fighting those things on your own."

I stayed silent for the rest of the car ride, which only lasted about a couple minutes until we finally reached Misato's apartment complex.

"Your stuff is already inside," she informed me, "We left your stuff unpacked for now. Figured you'd want to do that yourself."

"Thanks. So is Shinji home?"

"Yup. Probably making dinner, too."

I didn't see any security as we entered the building, but I figured Section 2 was lurking about somewhere close by. In fact, I didn't see anyone else in the entire complex as we ascended in the elevator. Well, it was a little late, I guessed.

As we entered the apartment Misato called out "Shinji! Got a new roomy for you!"Soon enough the Third Child himself appeared in all his meek and apron-wearing glory.

He smiled weakly and bowed. "H-hi. I'm Shinji."

I put on a smile and offered my hand. "I'm Ken. Nice to meet you."

He took it. "Likewise."

Misato beamed behind us. "Looks like you guys are off to a great start. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna change. How's dinner going, Shinji?"

"It's almost done," he turned to me, "I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I just made some soup, if that's okay?"

I nodded. "Sure, sure. What kind of soup is it?"

"Miso." After seeing my blank look, he clarified, "It's got sardines and kelp in it."

Sardines….blech. Well, I never had kelp before, maybe that'll improve the flavor. My displeasure must've shown on my face, because Shinji visibly wilted. I hastily said, "That's fine, really. I've never tried miso before, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes; do you want to check on your things?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Where's my room?"

"Second room on the left down the hall."

"Thanks." Leaving Shinji alone in the kitchen, I made my way following his instructions. When I opened the door, I was welcomed by a simple room. One window, a bed, a desk, and three boxes stacked in the corner.

Might as well find out what kind of person Keniuchio was. I opened the first box and saw a collection of DVDs. And they were quite a variety, too. There was _Citizen Kane_ as well as _Saving Private Ryan_, and a few boxed sets of anime that I didn't recognize and American TV shows. I'll have to check them out later.

The second box was mostly books. Most of them I didn't know about but they seemed…..wait. _Twilight_? He had _Twilight_? How can a self-respecting guy even…you know what, I won't even think about. I'll just remember to tell Misato I brought extra toilet paper later.

The third box was just clothes, all somewhat generic and bland, which was just fine by me.

Shinji's voice called out, "Dinner's ready!"

The miso soup was alright, if a little bland for my tastes. Misato's casual clothes on the other hand… Most of the dinner was just her chatting animatedly, trying to make Shinji and I feel at home, I guess. It was odd, though; Misato wasn't nearly as loud and in-my-face as she was when Shinji first moved in. Guess she was just tired or something.

After dinner, I said goodnight to them, and Misato reminded me of my synch test tomorrow. I shuddered at the thought of forcing myself to drown in LCL. I closed the door and sighed. I was not looking forward to sleeping again. I'm awful at going to bed early; my mind keeps me awake, constantly wandering off into stupid trains of thought that lead to nowhere. And I really didn't want to have another Angel vision.

Although….that might actually help me get a better idea of how I got here. As good a plan as any, I guessed. So I changed into my sleeping wear, a loose t-shirt and boxers, and pulled the covers over me. I closed my eyes, trying to sleep. A choir, speaking in a strange language, began ringing in my ears…

_Earth was a strange planet._

_Most of the planet was part of a vast ocean, and what little land there was had been covered with putrid swamps. These swamps were full of odd creatures. However, there was one species that stood out from the rest._

_A large species of amphibians lived in the southernmost regions, a somewhat docile group that fed on the petals of flowering plants that grew along the edges of ponds. One of these creatures had been struggling to get a fresh batch of flowers, but the plant was too high for it to reach on all fours. _

_Taking deep breaths of air from the lungs located along its thighs, the amphibian pressed its weight against the plant, groping along the sides with its lanky arms. Slowly it inched its way up the plant until, finally, it reached its prize. After devouring the petals, the amphibian, its head looking straight up for the first time, looked to the sky and saw the moon, a smear of red running along its surface. For a long time the amphibian stood there, without even realizing it was standing. Then a spark hit._

_And the __Uwaoui race was born. _

I woke with a start, and realized my bed was soaked with sweat.

What the hell was that? I was in another world…no, that was Earth. And there was the moon…

Something caught my vision, and I spun around to be welcomed by a beak mask the size of man's head laying on the floor next to me. Against my better judgment, curiosity overcoming me, I poked it. It was solid. I picked up, holding it gingerly to my face. It looked just like Sachiel's.

No, that's not right.

_Uwaoui_

Uwaoui…

* * *

So yeah, my shot at making a decent Self Insert fic. The fact that I'm labelling it as a Self Insert fic should let you know that I don't intend to follow the typical path these things usually go. This idea was inspired by similar style fics like _I Was A Teenage Dummy Plug _and _New Perspective Evangelion_, and if you haven't checked them out you should. They're pretty good.

Props first go to Mr CJ, who deserves the credit for most of the beginning of the chapter and also helped me with a few plot points. And thanks also go to my beta, Tail Kinker, for helping me with this.

And yes, the Sachiel dream thing means every Angel gets one too.


	2. Chapter 2: Disappointments

Well _hello _Rei.

Okay, I'll admit, she's cute. Really cute. And cue hormones.

"Hey." I greeted.

She turned to me and stared. A few awkward moments passed by with her looking at me with those red eyes, until finally she asked "Yes?"

I blinked. The red eyes were really unsettling to look at, so I avoided eye contact for now. I'll have to get used to it, though, if I'm going to end up working with her. "Uh, Keniuchio Harada, Fourth Child. Nice to meet you." I offered my hand.

She didn't take it. "You are the Fifth, not the Fourth."

Damn it, now she thinks I'm an idiot. Or she doesn't think anything of me one way or the other, more likely. I scratched the back of my head subconsciously, and let out a nervous chuckle. "My bad. Um…what's your name?"

"Do you not know already? All Pilots are briefed on each other upon induction, yes?"

….okay, if it weren't for the fact that you're so damn cute and that I know all of this already, I'd have given up on you right then and there, Rei.

What I said was "Actually, I was, but I don't recognize you from…the…pictures…" Because there are so many albino teenage girls with blue hair and red eyes.

Surprisingly enough, she didn't see anything odd about that. "I am Rei Ayanami, First Child and Pilot of Unit 00."

And at that, she started to walk off. I yelled "Wait!" and she stopped again.

"Yes?"

"Uh…." Why is this so awkward? Knowing everything about her character is supposed to help, damn it! "Want to go out sometime?"

"Out?" Rei blinked. "Yes, I would."

Great! I opened my mouth to say it out loud, and—

"After all," continued Rei, "we cannot stay within the Geofront forever. Eventually, we must return to the surface."

Seriously, why the hell did I even bother?

"You know what? Never mind. Just… I'm going to my synch test now. Any tips on how to handle Unit 00?"

Rei paused for a while. Her expression showed no indication of her even thinking at all and I feared that she had somehow shut down or something until she finally spoke. "Release your mind to Eva, and you shall become one with it. Goodbye, Pilot Harada."

And away she goes. But there's just one sliver of hope…

"Please, call me Ken!"

"Pilot Harada is your appropriate designation."

….which is immediately crushed.

Well, now I'm on my way to 'become one' with Naoko and/or Rei I. Awesome.

* * *

I heard the voices of techs and engineers buzzing about in the control room.

" _Inserting entry plug."_

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

"_Direct hydro-transmission system, connection prepared."_

The plug shuddered around me, vibrating me in my chair, and then went to a jolting stop.

"_Plug fixed in place."_

Maya's voice opens up through the intercom.

"_Filling the entry plug."_

Orange liquid quickly filled the entire plug. I began to panic, desperately gasping for breath despite the logical part of my brain telling me to calm down.

"_Calm down, Keniuchio. Once your lungs are filled with LCL it will allow your blood to be oxygenated directly. Get used to it." _came Ritsuko's voice.

I had to force myself to drown, fighting off every instinct screaming in my mind to stop. I inhaled the liquid, calming down as it started to flow through my body. I felt a tingle in my chest and suppressed a shudder.

"_First stage connection initiated."_

A low buzzing started to ring in my head, like something was applying a bit too much pressure for comfort. I started to see a dazzling display of colors around me.

"_Connecting main power."_

All right, hit me with your best shot Unit 00 or Naoko or Rei or whatever the hell you are.

"_Commencing secondary contacts. A-10 nerve connection, normal."_

"_Set the thought configuration to Japanese. All preliminary contacts established."_

Here we go.

"_Bi-directional circuits are open."_

A few minutes of silence passed by. I was waiting for…I don't know, something like me feeling the mind or soul of the Eva.

But…I felt nothing. I didn't know if it even acknowledged that I was inside it.

"_Synchronization rate at 13.3%."_

Well, that's just pathetic. Then again, that's actually supposed to be really good for first-timers in the plug, and that's when they have an Eva with a soul just for them. But still…not even 20%?

"_Good work, Keniuchio. We'll need to run some more tests, so you shouldn't be in there any longer than four hours." _said Ritsuko.

Four hours?

"Four hours?" I exclaimed, "Why so long?"

"_If I tried to explain it to you, we'd be here longer than four hours."_

"That still doesn't answer my question…" I grumbled.

"_You're in there for four hours. Deal with it."_

"Fine." Well, might as well learn more about EVA while I'm in here for _four freaking hours._ "Um, shouldn't I be feeling something right now?"

"_At 13%, not really. Tell me; do you feel somewhat numb, as if you were wearing several layers of clothing?"_

I nodded. That was actually a very accurate description. If I had tried, I doubt that I could've moved well at all with Unit 00.

"_That's actually not bad for your first time. At least you managed to synch with the Eva, which means you are the temporary pilot of Unit 00 until Rei recovers. Understood?"_

"Yeah."

"_And, since Unit 01 is under extensive repairs, that means that currently you are the only defense Tokyo-3 has at the moment. No pressure, just try not to get humanity killed, okay?"_

Awesome.

"Bedside manner needs some work, Doc."

"_Good thing I'm not that kind of doctor, then. Oh, and please don't start with the nicknames. Call me that again and I throw in another hour."_

I grumbled as I leaned back into the chair. Now what?

Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to try to find a way out of this crapsack universe. Usually, in these kinds of stories where someone from the real world is thrown into some fake world, all you'd have to do is die and you'll be sent home just fine. But I already see two problems with that.

One; I seriously doubt that I could even force myself to commit suicide. That goes against every instinct in my body. I suppose I could work around that by having a 'heroic sacrifice' while fighting an Angel, though.

Two; those kinds of stories more-often-than-not have the real world character get all the hot ladies from that world and also are amazing at everything they do. Seeing as I only have a 13% synch ratio and Rei and Misato haven't offered me sex on the spot, I highly doubt those rules apply here.

So I could be killed by an Angel. That's an option. Not preferable, but viable.

I could try to merge with Lilith. Admittedly, I have _no _idea how that would work, but I suppose she (?) could pull some crazy Instrumentality thing for me and send me back home. So long as I don't have to get tanged, because that would be Absolutely Terrifying.

…Oh, God, ADAM, or whoever's in charge, kill me now.

I decided to stop thinking about that for now, since thinking about killing yourself to avoid dying isn't a healthy train of thoughts by any means. I just listened to the low humming made by the entry plug for what had to be a good thirty minutes, until I saw a figure enter the control room ahead of me.

With that black jacket with a gold trim, red shirt, beard, and orange glasses, it could only be one man.

He was talking with Ritsuko, maybe about my synch results. I couldn't tell because my communications with the control room was cut, and it didn't help that his face was completely stoic and revealed nothing.

I never explicitly _hated_ Gendo. Frankly, I'm not sure what I would've done if my wife was killed by the very thing destined to save mankind. Maybe not immediately jump on the nearest hot chick, but-

"_Detecting a spike in EVA neural connections!"_

"_Is it going berserk?"_

No no no no no I'm sorry no no no no no please don't kill me!

"…_Negative. Unit 00 has returned to normal."_

Oh, thank God!

"_Keniuchio, this is Ritsuko. What were you thinking when the Eva spiked?"_

"Um…" Quick, something clever. "…stuff."

"_Please don't fight me here, Keniuchio, it's important."_

"Um, I was thinking about the Angels."

"_What about them?"_

"Like…why they're attacking?"

Gendo spoke to Ritsuko, but for some reason I still couldn't hear him. She nodded and spoke again. _"Try not to think about that, please. In order to get the best results we need you to clear your mind."_

Well, that was a load of bull. How am I not supposed to think all during four hours? I supposed I could fall asleep…

"_And don't fall asleep, either. We need you conscious for the duration."_

What else should I think about besides, well, what I was thinking about?

I feel a little obligated to help these people, especially since I know exactly what's wrong with most of them. And it'd kill me to just sit back and watch them all deteriorate _again_ while I'm in a position to help out. The simplest way to help would be to befriend them all, which I'll probably end up doing anyway. I don't believe in the whole 'friendship defeats all', but everyone needs at least one friend.

Shinji had Touji and Kensuke, but that ultimately ended in tragedy. Things should be different this time, if Unit 03 is here early, but I don't want to take chances.

Asuka had Hikari, but that wasn't a real friendship. Asuka just used her to get away from Shinji and Misato, and Hikari was too gentle to help her with her problems. Granted, befriending Asuka isn't exactly a likeable idea but I hated to watch her fall apart after Arael.

Rei had Gendo. So yeah. That went somewhere good. I could try spouting bullshit about her being a 'beautiful bird with folded wings' or convince her that all life isn't orders, but Gendo would be on me quicker than you could say 'Third Impact'.

This of course raises another issue. Gendo has (supposedly) a scenario that hinges on very specific mannerisms of all the major players in NERV, which means that I'll be reprimanded harshly if I try anything that deviates from it too greatly. I'll just have to be low-key about it then, and roll with the punches as they come.

How much longer do I have?

I glanced at the counter to the side. Three hours to go. Awesome.

"Hey Ristuko?"

"_Yes?"_

"Would watching a movie interfere with the synch test at all?"

There was a short pause as she considered it. _"Hmm, no actually. What movie did you have in mind?"_

Well, I am going to war. Might as well get in the mood.

"Do you have _Saving Private Ryan_?" I asked.

There was another pause as she had someone check their archives. Archives being the lounge, of course.

"_Yeah, we got it. We're uploading it to your interface now."_

Well, this makes it considerably more bearable. I don't why the other Pilots haven't thought of this earlier.

* * *

Three and a half hours later, I was trying to sleep. But I couldn't get myself to close my eyes. Whenever I did, I would experience the same dream as last night and then wake up again. No amount of tossing and turning seemed to work.

I glanced over at the cabinet, where the skull mask was hidden. I could almost feel a presence emanating from it, but I just chalked it up to sleep deprivation. I kept staring at the cabinet, maybe for some vague hint on how to stop these damn visions.

I closed my eyes again. Once again I dreamed of a swampy Earth, a amphibian, and a bloody moon. Once again I woke up the moment the dream ended. Once again I pounded my fist on my head in aggravation.

The hell was I supposed to do? Just go through every night dreaming the same dream over and over again?

I stood up and began to pace, occasionally glancing back at the hidden mask. When I got sick of that, I began to dig through Keniuchio's things again, looking for something I might've missed. Nothing much, just a few notebooks underneath his books…

Hm.

I picked up one of the notebooks, an average 70 page spiral with a green cover. I set it down on the desk, turned on the light, and searched for a pencil.

An hour later, after much editing, I had filled two pages with my dream. I read and reread it, checking every detail. I erased anything that even hinted to me knowing the true nature of the Moons and Angels. I was a little unsure if a blood smear on the moon was actually depicted in the Dead Sea Scrolls, but I edited it anyway.

Satisfied with it, I put it in the same cabinet as Sachiel's mask and tried to sleep again. I was right in that I no longer dreamt the same thing again. But as the angelic chorus rose again, followed by insane giggling, I couldn't help but suppress a moan as I drifted off in the blackness.

* * *

Author Notes: A bit shorter than I expected, but meh. I wanted to get _something_ out. Props to Tail Kinker and uchihasasukekun07 for beta reading.


	3. Chapter 3: Getting Your Feet Wet

"Meet your new classmate, Keniuchio Harada."

I waved at the class, trying to hide my anxiety. "Hi."

There were grumbled greetings amongst the class, but it was clear most of the class was disinterested in me. Thank God; I don't know what I would've done if I was constantly being asked if I was the new pilot. Thankfully it seemed like Shinji already let it slip that he's the pilot, so all of the attention was on him.

I was given a seat at the back, directly behind Shinji and next to Touji. After I was seated the teacher began to review what the class had gone over yesterday. It had something to do with how Africa was affected by Second Impact, but he had glossed over so much that he was actually making a huge civil war _boring_. Just like I'd read in dozens of EVA fics, all he talked about was Second Impact to an almost unnerving level.

Touji leaned over to me and whispered, "Yeah, this lecture is gonna go on like this for a while. Probably gonna go on for the rest of the day too."

I sighed. "Really?"

"Yup. Name's Touji by the way. So…you're the other pilot, right?"

"Uh." He could only know that if he was a part of NERV, so I doubted there would be anything wrong with telling him, "Yeah. I'm the Fifth."

"Thought so. Well, looks like we're gonna be teammates; I'm the Fourth."

Well it's official then. I smiled. "Sounds good. So it looks like it's going to be you, me, him," I nodded at Shinji, "and her." I gestured at Rei, who was staring out the window.

"I think the five of us might be a bit of overkill. I mean, that Shinji kid killed one of those Angels by himself!"

"Well, that Angel was really powerful. From what I saw, he barely killed it before it could win. Aren't you a little nervous to fight those things?"

"What are you, a shrink?" Touji snorted. "We'll be fine. They said only one appears at a time, so five of us is more than enough."

I stayed quiet after that. The teacher was now going into math (how does that connect with post-Second Impact?), so my mind wandered off.

It's possible that Touji's sister wasn't hurt this time around; that's the only explanation for him not taking the Angels very seriously, as well as not hitting Shinji. Hopefully he won't have that attitude for long. If Sachiel is any indication, the Angels will be much more difficult this time around.

During the class, I couldn't help but notice that, while everything was written in Japanese, I understood every character (I'm not sure if that's the right word for it) perfectly. I had never learned Japanese before this, and before I came here I couldn't even distinguish Japanese from, say, Chinese or Korean. I chalked it up to whatever mystical force sent me here in the first place trying to make things easier for me, so I decided just to take it my stride for now.

Yet another thing that was weird was that, even though I wrote in English, everyone understood it just fine. I'm pretty sure most people in Japan aren't fluent in English like I was, but it seemed like everything I wrote and said was converted into Japanese somehow. I was both thankful and freaked out by this; while on one hand its very convenient and helpful, on the other hand whatever was pulling the strings here had to be really powerful to do something like that.

A few hours later, lunch had come and I was off to find a spot to sit at. I figured that I might as well sit with Shinji and try to get Touji and Rei to sit with us, probably get a little pilot bonding going. I very likely wouldn't get anything out of Rei, but at least I could get a friendship started early between Shinji and Touji.

I found Shinji sitting at a table, unsurprisingly, by himself. Looking around I also saw Rei sitting underneath a tree, unsurprisingly again, by herself. I sighed as the weight of my task finally hit me. I myself, was something of an introvert, not as extreme as those two, but I still knew I had my work cut out for me. Shinji would be easier, as he was clearly showing signs of opening up to people in certain circumstances. But as for Rei, I had to break through walls specifically built since her birth to withhold emotions and attachment. All the while I had to try being as covert about it as possible if I had any chance of staying under Gendo's radar.

I moved over to Shinji's table and sat down.

"Hey." I greeted, "Mind if I sit here?"

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks. Oh and thanks for the lunch by the way. I'm glad I didn't have to rely on Misato's cooking through school."

He let out a small laugh. "Yeah, all she can do is microwave things. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just that it usually isn't that good."

"Yeah."

A few awkward minutes of silence passed by as we ate. I kept glancing over at Rei, who was simply staring off into space under the tree. I was tempted to walk over there and invite her…

"Hey!"

Touji sat down next to me, followed by an excited Kensuke.

"Mind if we sit here? Us pilots need to stick together, right?"

"Uh, sure." Shinji and I said simultaneously.

"So…" Kensuke sat at my other side, leaning in a bit too close for comfort. "You're the other new pilot, right?"

"…yeah." I said hesitantly.

"And I guess you know nothing much about NERV just like Touji?"

"…yeah."

He huffed and leaned back. "Figures. Even when three new pilots pop up right in front of me, no-one knows anything!"

I was just thankful I wasn't inhaling his foul breath anymore. "Sorry." I said while not really meaning it.

"Yeah, yeah." He began to dig into his sandwich.

For a while the conversation just drifted around to mostly mindless stuff; girls, homework and girls were the usual topics. All the while I kept glancing over at Rei, half-expecting her to suddenly show initiative and sit down with us on her own free will.

Deciding that wasn't going to happen, I stood up and told the guys I was going to talk with Rei for a moment.

"Oh, planning on melting her frozen exterior?" teased Touji.

"Well, who wouldn't?" asked Kensuke, "Sure she's kind of weird, but she's kind of cute."

"Actually, I already asked her out. She said no, though."

"Wait, she actually responded to you?" Kensuke went bug-eyed, "She won't even acknowledge most of the guys when they ask her out!"

"Probably cuz they're both pilots." offered Touji as he wolfed down some chips.

I shrugged. "That's probably it."

"Hey Shin-man." Touji elbowed him. "You should totally ask her out. Who knows; she might actually give you a shot."

Shinji blushed. "N-no, I don't really want to. Why don't you?" he asked, clearly eager to steer the conversation away from himself.

Touji shrugged. "Eh, she's not really my type."

"Well, I'll be right back guys."

I walked over to her. She was still just staring at air with her usual emotionless expression. As I neared her, my mind desperately searched for the right words to convince her to come over. Unfortunately, I'm not a very imaginative person when it comes to things like this, so I just went with the best thing I could think of.

"Hey."

"…."

"How you doing?"

"…."

"Want to come over by us?"

"Why?"

I blinked, still reeling from the fact that she responded in the first place. When I recovered, my tone was agonizingly squeaky and sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Uh, because we're all pilots now and we should stick together?" I winced. Why did I always sound so lame around this chick? I knew she probably didn't give a damn but isn't knowing everything about her character supposed to help?

"We will be together enough during synchronization tests and battles. That is sufficient."

"There's more to being teammates than just testing and battles, you know."

"No, I do not."

I waited for a few moments, seeing if that was really how she wanted to end the conversation. I sighed and walked back over the table.

This is really beginning to piss me off. Seriously, how the hell am I supposed to interact with her at all if she just stops conversations like that! Although, I can't help but feel partially to blame. It was probably the excitement of actually seeing Rei Ayanami in the flesh that got me. Actually seeing such a popular fictional character is a weird experience; you know exactly how you _should _act around them, but that conflicts with you how would normally react to someone like her. Hence the need to help her conflicting with the need to smack her.

I sat down and furiously dove into the remainder of my lunch, taking my anger out…whatever Japanese dish it was. Something with carrots in it, at least I think they were carrots.

"Didn't go so well, huh?" asked Touji.

"No." was all I said as some white mushy stuff slid down my throat.

"Uh, dude?"

"Mmf?" I looked back, followed Touji's gaze and saw Rei standing behind us.

"There has been an emergency. Let's go."

And at that, she was off.

"The hell?"

Something twisted in my stomach, but I fought it down. I gulped down the rest of my meal and took a deep breath. All right, Shamsel. Let's do this.

* * *

"Hey, uh, Miss Katsuragi?"

"Yes?" Misato replied without looking up from her clipboard.

"Why am I here? I mean, I haven't even been in an Eva yet." Touji pointed out.

"Well, just consider yourself an observer. You need to see how this is done, and the best way for that is through the real deal."

Touji frowned and scratched his head. "That makes sense, but Ken doesn't know the whole procedure either, does he?"

"Nope! Hopefully he's a fast learner!" She grinned.

"Uh, Misato, is that also why I'm here?" asked Shinji.

She nodded. "That, and because all Pilots need to be on deck during states of emergency. Even though Unit 01 isn't ready yet, we have to follow procedure. You ready yet, Ken-chan?"

"_More or less, though this plugsuit still feels a little weird."_

Misato shrugged. "Sorry kiddo, the only male plugsuits we have right now are Shinji's. You're specific plugsuit will come with your EVA, so just try to tough it out for now, 'kay?"

"_All right."_

"What's the Pilot's synch ratio?" Misato asked.

"Synch ratio is holding at 15%." replied Maya.

"Okay, you should be able to at least pull the trigger, Ken. We're sending you up with the gatling, so when the Angel is in range open up with a volley. Remember, aim for the core. That's the only quick way to kill these things."

"_Roger."_

"All systems nominal." reported Maya. "EVA ready for launch."

"Let's hope he can do this by himself." Ritsuko added.

"Are you sure Unit 01 can't help in time?" asked Shinji.

"Yes," replied Ritsuko, "We're making progress in the repairs, but in its current state it'll just be another target out there."

"Oh." Shinji looked down, feeling responsible for inconveniencing everyone because of his failure.

"If that's everything," said Misato, "EVA Unit 00, launch!"

* * *

My fingers were trembling as Unit 00 was loaded on the launch dock. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself, but it wasn't working at all.

What if the Angel is more powerful again? How can I even fight it with only 15%? Will I even generate an AT-Field? Could I defeat it if I even had one?

The gatling gun Misato mentioned locked into place next to the Eva, almost longer than Unit 00 was tall. It would be terrifying to see that thing used in an actual war between people.

Music usually helped calm me down, so I started to hum 'Cruel Angel's Thesis' of all things. It was the only song that I could think of at the moment.

"_EVA Unit 00, launch!" _barked Misato.

With a jolt I was shot up to the surface. I kept humming, louder now, as the elevator continued carrying the Eva upward. I remembered that one video I saw a while ago where the words were spelled out in crude English, and began to say it aloud.

"_The hell are you talking about?"_came Misato's voice.

Oh right. Open comm. channel. I must've sounded like a gibbering moron.

"Uh, just a song I know. Trying to remove the tension."

"_Well cut it out, you're at the surface!"_

Unit 00 shuddered as it slammed into the top of the elevator, and I felt a knot in my stomach. I reached for the gatling and held the weapon to my chest.

Well Keniuchio, time for your Eva debut. Try not to disappoint too much.

I put all of my willpower into making Unit 00 move and thankfully, it responded to my commands, albeit somewhat sluggishly. The orange Eva stepped out of the elevator and swung around the corner, gatling at the ready.

All right, Shamsel, where are you?

I spotted the Angel, still in flying form, hovering directly ahead of me amidst the towers of the city. The pink behemoth turned its massive head towards me, staring at me with those empty holes. I suppressed a smirk as I clenched the trigger….

…and the gatling didn't fire.

What the-

Noise. Pain.

My chest was burning. A few seconds later, my back slammed against something solid. I fought down tears as I felt my entire upper body melting.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real! DAMN IT, IT'S NOT REAL!

I pressed my hand to my chest. See? Not melted. Didn't help the pain, though. And wasn't my synch score low enough that it wouldn't hurt this badly?

"_Keniuchio, hurry! The Angel's almost on you!"_

Who was that? It might've been Misato.

I looked up, and saw the terrifying visage of the Fourth Angel. It was…different. I could make out layers of chitin-like armor all across its body, and dozens of light tentacles unfurled from its belly.

For the second time since I came here, I knew sheer and utter terror. I froze, and Unit 00 was helpless as Shamsel wrapped a tentacle around its leg and slammed the Eva into a building. I cried out as I felt the impact, and then another, and then another, and then another.

Tears were shamelessly flowing from me as the Angel dangled the battered and broken Unit 00 in front of it. Shamsel's eyes blazed with unholy fire, and the noise and pain overwhelmed my senses again.

As fear turned to rage in the helplessness of my current situation, I went ballistic, trying desperately to get a hold of the burning whip that held me. I swung a wild punch at the Angel, but it simply held me out of reach. I screamed as rage and hurt further flooded my mind.

It was fucking toying with me! It's not fair!

Shamsel, uncaring of my suffering, slammed me into the ground. I heard the Unit 00's single eye crack. My eyes widened as the sound snapped me out of my anger, clearing my head.

Of course. How could I've forgotten?

"You…old…hag…" I croaked feebly. "Nothing but…a waste. A tool. Little…bitch…"

I played the scenes over and over again in my head. It's not a good plan, and it very likely might get me killed, but it's a plan.

_Old hag._

The woman pressing her hands on the little girl's throat.

_Little bitch._

The gasping of her breath as the life fled from her body.

_Old hag._

The sudden realization of an atrocity committed.

_Little bitch._

A gunshot.

The inside of the entry plug went blood red, and the Eva trembled violently. I let out a hoarse laugh for a horrible reason, and welcomed the peace of an empty void.

* * *

Author's Notes: Well, if Shinji was going to barely win against canon!Shamsel, then Ken most certainly wasn't going to win against this upgraded Shamsel. At least, not without a little help.

And I'm sorry for those of you looking forward to another Angel victory POV, but I couldn't find the right way to go about what a Sachiel-dominated world would be like. I promise it will be next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4: Spineless

I did my best to hide my emotions, a mixture of fear and awe, as the video played before me. I could tell that Misato was eyeing me anxiously behind my back, obviously worried for me, but all of my attention was on the recording.

The camera was inside the entry plug, and it had begun recording the moment I set foot in the plug. It had gotten everything; my singing, my shaking hands, my screams…

I fought down a shudder. Misato noticed that and laid a hand on my shoulder. I winced at the touch. The pain was still all too fresh in my mind.

It had finally gotten to the point where I was defeated, lying on the ground in a ragged heap. I was muttering something, but it was too low for the camera to catch. The entry plug turned red, and the camera stopped. The recording switching to one of the various observational cameras that fed directly to Central Dogma.

Thank God for small blessings. I have no idea how the hell I was supposed to explain why I said 'old hag' over and over.

A knot went in my stomach as I saw the newly-upgraded Shamshel hang over Unit 00 like a predator moving in for the kill. A pair of wicked mandibles appeared underneath its massive head, clicking and gnashing in anticipation, drool dripping from disgusting fangs. The orange Eva shuddered, and looked up.

With a speed unnatural for something its size, it tackled the Angel, easily twice the Eva's size, and began ripping and tearing at the carapace. A holy chorus broke out, and a flash of light ignited between the two, sending Unit 00 crashing into the street from the force of the AT-Field. As if possessed, it slowly rose, letting all bask in its horrifying glory.

It looked like anything but a savior of mankind. Its cyclopean head was cracked and burned, and it was making rapid movements, jerking left and right. Its armor was either melted or gone in places, revealing the muscle-ridden skin underneath. Its arms and chest were bleeding profusely, and its legs took visible effort to carry the massive body.

With a muffled roar, Unit 00 charged. Shamshel whipped all of its tentacles, lashing around the Eva. Unit 00 stopped in its tracks, writhing in muted agony as every part of its body burned. It seemed like all was lost…

…until an orange hand, two fingers broken, reached out, grabbed a tentacle, and began to pull. The other hand joined in, and the rest of the Eva's body twisted and spun as it pulled itself closer and closer to Shamshel. Every step was laborious, and Unit 00 seemed like it would collapse at any moment. But, driven by an indomitable will, the Evangelion kept going until it finally reached the Angel.

Still bound by the tentacles, Unit 00 reached out and gripped the carapace, its fingers wrapping around the grooves in the armor. And, with all its might, began to pull. I could've sworn I heard Shamsel _squealing_ as the plating was torn from its body with sick tearingsound. Blood, a sickly purple color, dripped from the ripped skin underneath. Unit 00 was…_growling_.

So this is what the Evangelion and Angel has been reduced to. Predator and prey. And the two couldn't seem able to stick to one side or the other.

Unit 00 slammed its head into the exposed skin over and over again with an unnerving amount of fervor. The knot in my stomach tightened even more as I realized it was trying to _eat Shamshel._

Catching on this, the Angel made a horrific shriek, like some twisted mix between a cricket and a cat, and began firing haphazardly at the Eva. Blinding light encompassed the landscape around the battling titans, engulfing buildings and forests in Angelic fire. I winced as I saw millions of dollars gone in a second, reduced to dismal rubble. Thousands of people were now displaced; they'd very likely leave the city all together.

Tokyo-3 was officially a warzone.

But despite Shamshel's best efforts, Unit 00 wasn't hit once. It kept trying to get at the skin, until it noticed a red orb the size of a two-story house nestled in the Angel's chest. Something seemed to click in the Eva's unstable mind, and it stared at the Core as it began to crawl across the Angel's still-frantic body to reach it. A titanic orange hand moved to touch the Core…

Shamshel went ballistic. It roared and flew up into the sky like a bullet, carrying the Eva with it. Unit 00, all thoughts of survival abandoned, kept trying to get the Core despite the sudden rise in elevation. Wind buffeted the Eva as Shamshel rose higher and higher, and the Angel seemed to tighten its grip on Unit 00, the glowing tentacles constricting along the Eva's bloody and burning body.

The Angel abruptly halted in the air, a good few thousand feet above the ground.

And began to fall.

With the speed and force of freight train, Shamshel crashed to the ground, slamming into the earth with a colossal explosion. Rubble and debris was tossed into the air for miles around, and I could feel the weight of the impact in my chest. It was like watching a loud movie in the theaters, and my heart skipped a beat when something finally hit me.

I was in that thing. I was in that…monstrosity during all of this. I felt my sides, where phantom pain still tinged at my skin. I shivered and tried to hold back my emotions. I couldn't let Misato see me like this.

A wet crunching noise caused me to look up. Unit 00 stood victorious over the shattered form of Shamshel, its orange armor warped and torn. Blood flowed everywhere; the Eva was drenched in it, and Shamshel seemed to fade away in the red liquid as its skin bubbled and liquefied. I heard a low roar, and it took me a moment to realize it was coming from Unit 00. Its arms were stretched to the sky as if it were a gladiator accepting the glorious approval of the blood-maddened crowd.

The light in the Eva's single eye died, and its arms fell to its side. Its entire form sagged backward until it crashed into the Angel's corpse, sending gore and rubble flying in the air from the impact. Finally, it could rest.

The feed cut out after that. I kept staring at the blank screen. Misato tried to talk to me, but I didn't hear a word she spoke. In my head, I asked one thing, over and over.

Why am I here?

Hours later, lying in my bed, I still had yet to find the answer.

I was curled up in a ball, quietly sobbing as yesterday's events played over and over in my head. I kept touching my spine to make sure it wasn't broken. I pressed my hand to my chest just to see if it had melted away. All I felt was numb fear.

Never before had I felt such pain. I knew it was fake. I tried repeating this to myself, but it never seemed to work. I couldn't but feel so…_pathetic_. Everyone back in the real world kept saying Shinji was such a wuss for angsting so much, but after actually going through the same thing he did, he's a _goddamn_ hero. Seriously, getting back in EVA after something like that? That takes balls.

I was currently debating whether or not I had balls.

Could I get back in that thing? Even with such a low synch score, I felt the pain so purely it was as if it were my own body being smashed and flayed. I could credit the fact that Unit 00 was patchy and had ton of flaws to it, but I wasn't sure that that was the reason for it.

Maybe it was because it knew I didn't belong here, and it was punishing me for intruding. Which led back to my original question; what is the point of me being here?

…Kaworu? Can you hear me? Uh…I could use some help, if you don't mind…..do you prefer Tabris? I'll call you Tabris, if that's what you want. Please, give me some help.

I sat still for a minute, half-expecting to hear Kaworu's angelic voice echoing in my head, promising enlightenment and good tidings. Of course, nothing came.

Fine. Prick.

The door slid open, and light leaked into the room. I winced as my eyes were temporarily blinded by the glare. I could make out the slim figure of Misato in the doorway.

"Hey. You awake?"

Well, she probably saw me wince, so there was little point in pretending. "….Yeah." I croaked out. Why was my voice so hoarse?

"Well, I just wanted to say…thank you, for doing what you did today. You did well."

"Well?" I snorted, my tone taking a bitter turn, "I clocked out in less than a minute. How is that well?"

There was a long pause. Misato sighed, and she tried the maternal tone again. "You did something no one else could. You protected us, without any hesitation. Regardless of the outcome, you put forth your best effort. And remember, you're not alone. Shinji has gone through the exact same thing as you."

What, failing at piloting, then having the Eva go berserk?

"You can always go to him for comfort." Misato continued. "You're teammates, and teammates back each other up, no matter what. And honestly, you both desperately could use a friend. Just…hang in there, okay Ken-chan?"

Damn. I couldn't resist that tone. It was too much like my mom's. A wash of memories came back to me when I thought of her, and I wondered if I would ever see her again. I almost cried again as I said, "I w-will, Misato. Th-thank you, for….for everything."

She smiled warmly. "You're welcome. Good night."

"Good night."

She closed the door, and darkness swallowed up the room again. Wow. That…that actually helped, a lot. I smiled as warm tears fell down my face. Maybe it was just a pep-talk to keep me going and she didn't really care about me, but then and there none of that mattered to me. I'll have to talk to Shinji tomorrow, maybe get the friendship started proper, even.

But still, I couldn't sleep. Whether it was restlessness or all the emotions, I couldn't find the will to keep my eyes shut. I sighed and rolled off my bed, pushing the blankets away. I stood up and walked over to the window, peering through the closed shades to get a look outside. The streetlights were on, standing vigil like lighthouses to keep the darkness at bay.

Maybe I should write that dream I had the other day. If I'm not going to get any sleep, I might as well do something with all that free time. I clicked the desk light on, and again I winced from the glare. I opened the bottom cabinet and removed the notebook, making sure to make as little noise as possible as I moved about the room. Placing the notebook on the desk, I sat down in the wheelie chair, which hissed at the pressure placed on it. Taking a pencil in my hand, I began to write the visions of a dead Angel into reality.

_The Uwaoui, despite being amphibians, were born as live-born grub-like creatures that slithered about with underdeveloped eyes. When a female Uwaoui had given birth to over twenty grubs, she, along with her mate, would then store her clutch in a small burrow which was completely cut off from the surface. In the burrow were very limited food supplies; the grubs had to fight and kill one another for control of the precious resources. Through this process, a single triumphant adolescent Uwaoui would emerge from the earth, a tinge of cunning in its black, pupil-less eyes. Its form would be vaguely humanoid, two legs that jointed backwards, and two arms, which had small spikes sprouting from the elbows. Their hands were claws, already fully-developed during their battle for survival in the burrow. Atop its head, typically squat in shape with a small, lipless mouth and no ears, were two small horns which had been used for warding off enemies in the distant past. Their skin was usually blue-ish green, but occasionally there were a few with an olive-green coloration._

_Because of this 'Birth Trial', as they had called it, Uwaoui quickly learned to be greedy and respectful of power. As their civilization grew, this warm-blooded race of amphibians focused primarily on two paths; business and intelligence. Intelligence was key to maintaining power in their world, and certain Uwaoui became masters at spying and subterfuge. Had their race spread to the stars, they would be known by other space-farers as shrewd businessmen and sharp-witted spies._

_Unfortunately, they never made it past the moon. In fact, the moment their first shuttle passed the blood-smeared moon an inky blackness, bursting from dark space, engulfed the ship, and begun to descend upon the planet._

_As the void, a formless mass of hate and hunger, spread across the planet, all the Uwaoui could do was scream as all of their wealth and networks dissolved into nothingness. No amount of money or intelligence could hold the abomination at bay and within twenty-four hours all traces of the Uwaoui race was gone._

_All that was left was a desolate Earth and a Moon tainted with the blood of a god._

The pencil fell on the desk.

Ow. !

I banged my head against the desk, trying to numb the internal pain with external.

Get….

Bang.

…out…

Bang.

…of…

Bang.

…my…

Bang.

…head!

I didn't care if Misato or Shinji heard me. All I cared about was _stop thinking about it!_

No matter how hard I tried, that damn blackness still tugged at the back of my mind; a parasite taking pleasure in the suffering of its host. I pulled at my hair, my eyes watering, and began to pace across the room manically.

Stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking about it stop thinking about it!

Something else! Must think about something else... Oh, I know! Sexy Rei! Mmmmmm, sexy Rei….

Sigh.

That doesn't bode well, at all. If I get such horrible migraines after every damn Angel vision, I'll never get any sleep! Why the hell did I have to go through this shit? Was someone trying to give me some cryptic-ass message or something? This is EVA for chrissakes, I didn't need any more of those!

I pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself down. Deep breaths. In. And out. In. And out. In. Out.

I'll think about this later. Light started to leak in from the windows; the sun had finally begun to rise over Tokyo-3. I'd stayed up all night and I have school today. Not good.

After putting my notebook back in its place, I plopped down on my bed, hoping to at least rest my eyes a bit.

Idly, I felt my spine again.

Still intact.

"So, uh…"

Touji shuffled about uncomfortably, obviously uneasy with talking to me. He refused to make eye contact and he was scratching the back of his head for an itch that I doubted was really there.

"…Sorry about what happened yesterday, man."

The two of us, along with Shinji, were standing outside the school, a few minutes before class was supposed to start. He had approached Shinji and I as we were walking up to school, with Kensuke oddly absent. He seemed nervous when he came to us, which was a stark contrast to his more confident attitude just yesterday.

Obviously seeing me get thrashed had a similar effect on him as Shinji fighting Shamsel did in the original timeline. Although I didn't see why he had to apologize. He had nothing to do with it.

I shrugged. "It had nothing to do with you," I said, echoing my thoughts, "It was all on me. We would've all died if it weren't for the Eva." I wasn't even sure what emotion leaked in at that last sentence. Bitterness? Sadness? Anger?

Irritable would be the best word to describe myself at the time. Gone were any illusions that piloting would be just as glorious as Kensuke or anyone back home would lead you to believe. I was trapped in a world that still felt alien while familiar, forced to protect humanity from monsters _with _monsters. All I could do was keep my head on my shoulders without losing it, mentally or otherwise.

"Yeah, well, at least you'll have us to back you up next time. Right Shinji?" Touji managed a smile, letting a little infectious bravado rise in his voice. Shinji, as if his mind had been wandering, started a bit and hastily said, "Uh, right."

"See?" Touji clapped his hand on my back with a bit too much force, making me go "Oof!", and guided me inside. "Now come on guys, the Class Rep is gonna kill me if I'm late again."

No way had Touji understood. Not really. Not until he actually piloted. To be fair, no one can truly prepare for something like that and deal with the pain like it was nothing.

I rubbed my sides. They weren't melted.

But they were! I felt it! Eva's pain was my pain. Shinji, Rei, and Asuka could bear it. They were heroes, destined to fight the good fight at the cost of themselves, body and soul. I…was not worthy. I panicked the second things went wrong for me, cowering like a goddamn animal.

We walked into the classroom. I watched Shinji as he past Rei, each ignoring the other. Shinji sat down quietly and waited for class to start. Rei kept staring out the window. Her bandages were still on.

"_Just…hang in there, okay Ken-chan?"_

…I can't run away from this. I have to cowboy up and take it. If not for my sake, than for theirs. They don't deserve to live through hell again, but they're going to, regardless of what I do. I might as well make the road less painful.

Class started. Surprisingly, Second Impact wasn't mentioned once the entire day, with the focus instead on math. It was all stuff I had learned before, so I let my mind wander, occasionally glancing at Rei or Shinji.

A few hours later, the lunch bell finally rang and I made my way to Shinji's table. Touji and Kensuke were already there, chatting about something with him. Still no Rei, though. Hm. I looked over at her usual lunch spot, the tree, but she was nowhere to be found.

A giggle came from behind me. "Looking for someone?"

I jumped at the sound, and the voice, most definitely belonging to a girl, giggled again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

Pig tails, freckles, tan skin. Hello, Hikari Hokari.

"It's all right," I said, offering my hand, "Keniuchio Harada. Nice to meet you."

She paused for a moment, and then her eyes lit up when something clicked in her brain.

"Oh, I forgot, you're American, right? People don't usually shake hands around here." She took my hand and gave an awkward shake. "I'm Hikari Hokari, Class Representative. I was actually supposed to meet you ahead of time when you joined our class, but I was sick that day." She released her hand from mine. "Just wanted to see how you're holding up."

I was almost killed fighting an alien monster that wasn't really an alien, cried in my bed for a while last night, and I'm trapped in a fictional universe that will end with everyone joining as one being in a beautiful display of tang and sexual imagery.

"I'm doing fine, thanks." I was surprised I kept a straight face.

"That's good. So, I heard you're the other new Pilot, right?" she asked.

"Yup," I said with as much fake nonchalance as I could muster, "Lucky me."

"Wow!" She had such a cute little smile… No! Bad! Stop thinking like that!

Damn hormones all over again.

"Hey Class Rep!" shouted Touji from the table, "Stop bothering the new kid! I already gave him the ropes around here."

He did?

"Oh really?" asked Hikari, her tone making her disbelief obvious, "Did you catch him up on all of the school work?"

"Erm, no…"

"Did you give him a tour of campus?"

"No…"

"How about-?"

"No, okay!" Touji sounded exasperated. "It's all boring stuff anyways! He doesn't need to know any of that!"

Hikari frowned. "Boring or not, its school. Come on Keniuchio, _I'll _help you out."

"Um, kay." I said as she led me away from the boys. From behind I heard Touji shout "Sorry man! I tried!"

Tried what?

The rest of lunch was spent touring campus with Hikari, through which I was totally silent. Not like I had much choice in the matter; she could really run her mouth on the simplest of things. Not that I minded really; in fact I somewhat preferred it like that. I was always the quiet one, never really speaking unless spoken to. Hikari was a nice enough girl, although a bit bossy. Came with her job I guess.

It had begun with Touji snickering in his seat during a study period, whispering conspiratorially with Shinji when he thought I wasn't listening.

"Hey Ken!" he suddenly yelled, quiet enough as to not get the teacher's attention, but still loud enough for me to hear.

"What?" Kensuke and I both turned our heads at the same time, causing Touji to erupt in laughter. He leaned back and gave Shinji a high five in between laughs.

"Heh, told you they'd both look!" Touji said. Shinji laughed at that, surprisingly unreserved and at ease. Maybe it's because he never had to fight Shamsel, but he seemed happier than he did at this point in the show.

Did…did Touji just…?

Kensuke nodded and sighed. "Yup."

Wait, I said that aloud?

"Yup."

Oh. That's not good.

"Eh, people accidently speak their mind all the time. Heck, Touji says I do it way too much." Kensuke shrugged and smiled. "Must be a Ken thing, right?"

"Yeah…" This entire situation reminded me of similar jokes made by friends of mine back home. I had a friend who shared the same name just like now, and whenever I was with him my other friends would do that all the time and I. Always. Freaking. Looked! Just imagining their smug laughing faces…

…that I'll never see again. No more movies, no more video games, no more plays...

I couldn't stop the flood of memories. Emotions that had been repressed since I got here finally got through the cracks made by my utter failure as a Pilot yesterday.

My first friends that I made in preschool, two siblings my age, a boy and a girl. Siblings. My brother, fifteen months younger than me; people always thought we were twins. We always got so mad at that. My little sister. She never worked a day of her life. My parents. Caring. Normal.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it don't think about it Ken, don't think about it-wait.

No. Nononononono! My name is NOT KENIUCHIO HARADA! IT'S…

…God damn it, I can't even say it my own fucking name in my own fucking head!

Whoever I used to be, he probably died in Second fucking Impact. All of the people he knew probably died, too. All of them, gone.

Forever.

"Uh, Ken? Are you okay?"

Who said that?

I blinked my eyes, but my vision was blurry. Warm tears fell down my face. I was crying. Pathetic. That's what Asuka would say.

"Keniuchio? Is everything all right?" That meek, careful voice. Shinji.

"Yeah, yeah." My voice cracked. I numbly wiped the tears off. When my vision cleared, I saw Kensuke, Touji, and Shinji staring at me with worried expressions on their faces.

"Just…had a bad memory. It's all right. Really." I half-lied.

"If you say so, man." Touji said warily before getting back to work. Shinji and Kensuke stared for a little while longer, but eventually started working after it got a bit awkward.

Grateful that the attention was off me, I sighed and rubbed my eyes of any remaining tears. How could I just cry right in the middle of class? Why couldn't I go through all of this at night? I already knew I wasn't getting any sleep, might as well pile on more shit to cry about!

Well…it was a work period, a.k.a. free time. I've been meaning to look up what happened to the U.S. since Second Impact, and I have a computer with Internet access right in front me. I opened up a browser and started digging. An hour later I was staring at my screen with disbelief.

The United States was a different beast than it was in my world. As reliant on Canada as Canada was to it, fueled by extreme patriotism and optimism that hid a terrible depression, and officially the United Nations' very own pet dog, eager for its master's attention.

…I'm not entirely sure I wanted to know all of that. What I was reading…war records…economic disasters…it painted a different picture of America than I was used to seeing. It feels so wrong to have missed so much history that by every right I should've been a part of. Hell, Ken as everyone else knew him actually _did _go through that!

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, trying to somehow smear the stress away. It didn't really work. I glanced at the clock. A few minutes until school was over. Good. I need to get away from people for a while.

A few minutes later the bell rang, and class was excused. Shinji was waiting for me to walk home with him, and I was about to tell him he could go on ahead of me, but… I told myself I was going to help him, so I might as well start sooner than later.

"Wanna take a little detour?" I asked him as we began walking.

"To where?" Shinji asked, discomfort easily readable in his voice.

I walked ahead of him, taking the lead. He quickened his pace to keep up. "Just to look around the city a bit," I said, "I haven't really had a chance to check it out since I got here, what with the Angel attacks and all."

"Oh. I haven't really done that either," he commented as we headed into the city, "I suppose I should, too."

"It's always good to know what you're protecting," I said with a forced smile. To say the irony is not lost on me is a bit of an understatement.

He nodded. "I suppose."

Oh no you don't, Mr. Compliant. "Hey, if you don't want to go you don't have to," I said, "It won't hurt my feelings."

"No, I want to. Really. It's better than walking home alone," he said with a smile.

I'm not entirely sure if he was truthful or not, but any further pressing would make him comfortable, so I shut up for most of the walk. This Shinji was… Well, I wouldn't say different per se, but eh, different is the best word I can think of. He seemed a little more relaxed than the show portrayed him, although he most certainly was just as distant; he'd spend hours at home just listening to that player while cooking or doing homework. Note to self; get him away from SDAT. Making him open up more should be easy-peezy after that.

We made our way downtown with me leading and Shinji following obediently right next to me. It was still the small timeslot between school ending and rush hour, so the streets thankfully weren't terribly crowded. It wasn't hard to find my destination; enormous cranes and the loud sounds of construction are usually easy to track down. I ignored Shinji's curious expression as we moved closer to the construction, almost running in my eagerness to finally lay on eyes on it.

I needed to see that. I needed to be reminded just why I was fighting, and so did Shinji. I needed to remember why this was called the Angel _War_.

We rounded the corner and saw it. A vast hole in the earth, only partially patched over by metal frames crisscrossing along the sides. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of workers milled about the site like little orange ants, and from such a far distance, maybe a two miles, I'm not good with measurements, they seemed just as insignificant. Heavy machinery whined and roared as metal moved metal, and as far as I could see cranes lined the entirety of the hole's rim. I peered down into the opening and all I saw was blackness with red lights dotted along the walls. The lowermost layers of the Geofront had been repaired already.

All of this caused by Sachiel. It was a miracle Shamshel wasn't nearly as destructive, otherwise Tokyo-3 would likely just be a huge crater. Again, I have to ask why the hell the Angels are so goddamn powerful this time around. What's so different about this that they have to resort to such ridiculous levels of power to win?

…I'm here. That was the only thing different about it that I could think. Wait, Misato said Gendo had requested more Evas ahead of schedule, something he never did before. So Gendo must know something about all of this. Bastard.

I didn't realize I was rubbing my back until Shinji spoke. "That's…big," he said, his tone full of awe.

I quickly brought my hand back to my side. "Yeah, no kidding. Sac…The Angels hit pretty hard, don't they?"

"No kidding," Shinji echoed as his eyes wandered to all of the workers, "There's so many of them. So many machines. Do they all work for NERV?"

That's a good opening. Beginning inspirational speech in three…two…one.

"I think so," I shrugged, "I think they'd have to. If not, they probably work for the UN or something like that. I doubt they'd trust something like the Geofront with average civilians. But yeah, that's a lot, but what did you expect? Everything is big whenever EVA is involved."

There's a metaphor hidden in there somewhere… Damn it, Anno!

"It's so easy to forget that, when you're in EVA," he said.

I nodded. "I know. I felt the exact same thing when I got in. It'd all been so quick that I just accepted it all. I was taller than buildings, cars were smaller than my feet, but I just took it in stride. Like a videogame, you know?"

Shinji frowned and bowed his head. "It hurts more than a game," he muttered.

I sighed and looked up at the sky dramatically. "Yes. It does. I still think I'm back in the Eva, being hurt by Sham…that Angel and fearing for my life. But you know what?"

Bring it home, big daddy.

"I'm going to keep fighting. Because of this," I waved my hand at the construction, "Because lives depend on us. It's our duty to NERV, yeah, but it's also our duty to everyone on the planet. If we lose, it's game over. No more humans. Only whatever the Angels leave behind." Uwaoui or otherwise.

Shinji was quiet for a while, and all that was heard were the grunts of men and machines. I held back a smile. He seemed to really listen to me! Awesome!

I could barely make out the "I suppose" he grumbled and just like that he was walking away. All I did was stare at his back as Shinji walked back down the street.

No. Freaking. Way. No, I won't accept that! I couldn't! I thought that was a damn good speech too! You know what, fuck this! If I'm a god damn character in this god damn series, I damn well have the right to cut through this pseudo-deep bullshit, Gendo be damned.

I chased Shinji down, roughly grabbing him by the collar and turning him to face me. "Look, Shinji," I started, "I know getting in Eva hurts. Hell, I might know that better than you! But hey! Look at me. Understand that you aren't the only one suffering. We're Pilots, and when we have to, we fight together." I got nothing out of him. He kept looking away.

Fuck it. "Why do you pilot Eva?" I asked him.

That got his attention. He stared at me with wide blue eyes. That's right Shinji. You're not getting off this easy.

"I…I don't know," he finally said.

I was seriously debating whether or not to actually tell him. Would it really benefit him? Or would it only make things worse?

"Well, you better find a damn good reason, if saving lives isn't good enough," I chose to say, "Even if it's only for yourself, it's something that needs to be done."

He stared at the ground for a while, mulling over what I had said. C'mon, Shinji, give me something here.

Shinji lifted his head and looked directly at me. "I-I-I'll find a reason. Don't worry. I'll find one that's good enough for me."

I smiled. "Atta boy. Be as selfish as you need to be; you're your own man, right?"

Shinji smiled, a real one this time, and we started the long trek home. In my head, I patted myself on the back.

Well done. Well done. Ripples have been made. And no way no how did I feel bad about manipulating his emotions like a conniving bastard.

No sir.

* * *

_Earth was a strange planet._

_A single landmass, maybe a third of the planet's surface, stood out amongst the global ocean. A forbidding range of mountains were nestled at the center, the sole recognizable landmark amidst the continent-wide tropical forest. _

_Creatures, some reminiscent of lizards and amphibians and insects, crawled around the trunks of trees fulfilling an endless cycle of predator and prey. Insect ate insect and plant. Amphibian ate insect. Reptile ate amphibian and insect. Reptile died, fed earth. An endless cycle, perfect. _

_Another, more dominant piece of that cycle swung from the trees and scooped up a lizard with its tentacle._

_The grey cephalopod, no bigger than a monkey, crushed the lizard's neck with its stronger tentacles and slowly fed the carcass to its beak with its more delicate appendages. _

_It heard a sharp chittering, and it's eye stalks darted from side to side. It spotted the source; a member of its own species, swinging through the tree branches towards it. It had come to steal it's catch._

_The cephalopod shrieked and, still holding the food to it's mouth, latched onto a nearby branch and swung away. The other kept up the pursuit; a lizard was a fine catch, and a rare one. Lizards almost never dropped their guard. _

_The chase continued for a few minutes, but eventually it's pursuer gave up and stalked away, but not before letting out a very strongly-worded chitter. Satisfied, the cephalopod climbed up the tallest tree it could find until it reached the top and rested. It looked up into the starry sky, gnawing on the frayed corpse as it did so. It's eye stalks wandered until something caught their attention. A pale orb, high in the sky, with a smear of red marring its pristine surface. _

_And so the Mo-Ningu race was born._

_A bright flash. _

_Shamshel is staring down at me, its hideous writhing form covering me in shadow. The whips swing…_

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Oh god oh god oh god please go away go away oh god-

"Ken! What's wrong?"

I can't, I can't…

_The whips swing…_

"NO GO AWAY! Get away! You're dead!"

"Ken, look at me!"

I saw Misato's face. I saw the concern in her eyes. In a flash she was the fourteen year old girl in an escape pod, witnessing the apocalypse. Her coat had blood on it. In the distance four great wings of light rise. I blinked and she was twenty-nine again, playing the worried mother.

I cried, ashamed at myself.

What the fuck is wrong with me?


	5. Chapter 5: Take a Deep Breath

"I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure?" Misato asked for the third time.

I sighed. Yeah, I wouldn't believe myself, either. If the kid that had just almost gotten killed by a giant monster had woken up screaming bloody murder, I'd make the connection just as quickly. Well, I don't have to tell the whole truth, right?

"Actually, it was a nightmare," I admitted.

"Some nightmare," she said.

I nodded. "It was… bad. More vivid than any dream I've had before."

"What was it about?"

Misato and I both started at the voice, and we turned to see Shinji standing in the doorway of my room.

"It was about Sha… That Angel," I really needed to work on that. "It was just… _staring _at me, and then it attacked me," I absent-mindedly rubbed my back, "And suddenly the pain was real again." My voice was so weak and quiet. I was never good at hiding emotions, even less so when it was something that intense.

Misato shifted about uncomfortably. "Well, do you want to talk about it?"

"Aren't we already?" I sniped at her, echoing my thoughts. I wish I could say it came out meaner than I intended, but right then I was so angry with the nightmare that Misato's weak attempts at comfort just pissed me off even more.

She winced, and I immediately regretted my choice of words. "I'm sorry," I hastily apologized, "I didn't…"

"It's okay," she assured me, a kindly smile back on her face, "I know what it's like to have dreams like that." Yeah, no kidding. "Just… Will you be okay for tonight?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I should be. Besides, if I can't sleep, I could always write until I'm too tired to stay awake."

"Oh?" Misato quirked an eyebrow, "You like to write?"

"Yeah. It helps whenever I'm in a bad mood. It's cathartic."

None of that was a lie. Really, when you're writing for yourself, it's like the paper is your own therapist. You write what you feel, let loose your own emotions, and make sure no one else sees it to save yourself the embarrassment. It's always worked for me.

"Can't write to save a life, myself," Misato said dismissively, "The only thing I ever write these days is my signature." She chuckled.

Oh yeah, I remember she had mountains of forms and papers to sign after one of the Angel fights. I could never do something like that, myself. Writing the same thing over and over and over and over and over… God, even the idea of that makes me want to fall back to sleep. Before I could stop myself I made a big yawn, and both Misato and Shinji yawned in turn. Stupid contagious yawns.

"Well, it's… holy cow, two in the morning!" Misato exclaimed after glancing at the clock, "And I need to be up at five," she whined.

"NERV stuff?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She nodded, "Yeah, Rits wants me there for some stupid reason," Misato's eyes lit up. "Hey, I got an idea! Let's stay up, the three of us, and have popcorn and movies! It'd be like a sleepover!" she squealed with childish delight.

"But Misato, we already sleep together," said Shinji, before realizing exactly what he just said and began blushing terribly. Misato winked playfully at the boy, making him blush even more.

Now _that's _the silly sexual joking around that's been noticeably absent this whole time! Just what I needed, and finally seeing it made me laugh out loud. The atmosphere had lightened immensely.

"Wark?"

… Yet _another _thing that's been noticeably absent. The cute penguin named Pen Pen waddled up next to Misato and nuzzled the woman's side, and she responded by petting the bird along its head.

"Aw, did we wake you up, little guy?" Misato asked.

"Wark!"

"Uh, sorry about that," I offered apologetically, rubbing the back of my head. Pen Pen looked at me with blue eyes that seemed to hold an unnerving amount of intelligence and shrugged.

"Wark wark."

"So… does that mean we're cool?"

"Wark."

"Cool."

The fact that I saw that exchange as normal spoke a lot about my sanity.

"Come on guys!" Misato said, scooping up Pen Pen in her arms as she stood up, and that's right when I realized all she had on was a _very _loose t-shirt and a pink thong. "Let's go pick a movie. Shinji, you're in charge of snacks. Ken and I will pick out a movie from the ones he brought with him from America. Ready to watch your first foreign film, Pen Pen?"

"Wark!"

"Oh please, that French one doesn't count…" Misato continued rambling on as she left the room, with Pen Pen and Shinji in tow. I moved to follow them…

Wait. I need to check on something first.

I stood up and walked to the desk, making sure no one was looking before opening the drawer. If I'm right… Yes, there it is.

An avian bone mask that was very similar to Sachiel's, except for the beak, which was longer and curved downward. All that remained of Shamshel.

I could've sworn I heard a faint murmuring from it, as if there were still a mind behind it, but . . . No, there's no way. It's just the nightmare, nothing more.

I put back in its place and closed the drawer. I'll worry about Angels, dead or otherwise, later. Right now I've got a hot chick, a penguin, and a kid who'll eventually destroy humanity to hang out with.

It was the most fun I'd had since I came here.

Misato was great company, and not just because of the eye candy. Her exaggerated laughter, aided by two beers she had downed within the first half-hour of the film, kept us all wide awake, a fact I was grateful for. Misato sat between Shinji and I, her arms draped over our shoulders, and Pen Pen was resting on her lap. It wasn't too long until Shinji and I were laughing with her, even if nothing funny had happened. For the first time ever since I stumbled into the Angel War, I felt like I truly was with friends and safe from the cruel world.

I couldn't help but notice Shinji opening up far more than I've seen him so far. He laughed, talked, and just seemed to enjoy himself. Both of our spirits had risen considerably, all thanks to Misato and her obnoxious laughter.

I felt… good. Really good. I felt like I could spend eternity in this company. Just like my friends back home.

Home…

I wouldn't stop thinking about it until I had closure. Even if they're… gone… I needed to know.

"Um, Misato?"

"Yeah?" she asked, her voice still giddy from her last joke.

"Can I go back home anytime soon?" Worry started to cross her face, so I quickly added, "Oh, don't worry! I'm not running away from this, I just need to check on something quick."

Misato tapped her chin, exaggerating her pondering. Finally, she said, "I'll have to ask the Commander about that, kiddo. Sorry."

He'd probably say no, anyhow. Hmm…

"Could you mention that it might affect my piloting?" I asked, "Synching with Eva involves emotional health, right?"

Misato nodded, "Yeah, I will," she frowned, "Are you sure you're okay, though? For now, at least?"

I smiled to reassure her. "I'm fine for now. Really, I am."

That was the honest truth. Right then and there I was as content as can be, happily spending my time laughing at bad movies with friends. Misato returned the smile and turned back to the TV, already laughing at the next joke.

As luck would have it, school was off that day, so when Misato left for work Shinji and I chilled out at home for a while entertaining ourselves with the TV. Shinji proved to be a fine conversationalist once you got to know him, so long as you steered clear of taboo topics like anything NERV-related.

Honestly, I couldn't blame him.

**Chapter 5: Take A Deep Breath**

It was around one o'clock when the doorbell rang. With a groan I got up from my comfortable position on the couch and made my way to the door, but Shinji had already gotten there ahead of me and answered it.

"Oh, hi Toji," he greeted.

"Hey, guys," the jock said as I joined them, "So, Kensuke is off on one of his camping trips today, so I was wondering if you guys wanna hang or something?"

Seeing no problem with that since we didn't have any scheduled synch tests at NERV today, I shrugged and said, "Sure. What about you, Shinji?"

"Yeah, that's fine." I wasn't entirely sure if I detected a bit of reluctance in his voice.

"Cool," Toji said with a smile, "If you guys got any money we should head over to the arcade, I heard they just got a sick new game over there!"

Why the hell there are still arcades in the future when they were pretty much extinct in my time was beyond me. Seriously, were the newer consoles never invented because of Second Impact or something? To this day I still fail to see how that would even happen, but whatever. Nothing important would come from pondering something so insignificant, so I just nodded and said "Sounds good to me! Let me just leave a note for Misato, one sec."

One hastily scribbled note later, the three of us were out and working our way to the city.

Toji led us to the arcade, a small little place amusingly called "Shinji's". As I walked into the darkly lit rooms and heard the bad techno music, I felt a wave of nostalgia roll over. It had been a long time since I've been anywhere like this.

"That's bullshit!"

I couldn't help but flash a grin as I set the controller down. "The game says otherwise." I jerked my thumb at the screen for emphasis.

The words "NEW HIGH SCORE" blazed on the screen in bright red, flashing vividly above pixilated flames. Toji fumed at the sight. "No way in hell you beat my score in less than five minutes! _Invadors _is the toughest game here!"

I shrugged. "Just another fighting game to me. Besides, why is this game such a big deal? They can't even spell 'invaders' right!"

"Are you kidding me? You play a perfect hero that flies a giant robot and every chick you meet wants to sleep with you! What's not to like about that?"

I was about to retort by stating how stupid that was, but Shinji surprisingly spoke for the first time since we walked into the arcade. "That's just dumb," he said, sounding angry for once, "The guy in that loves fighting and killing, and all the girls want him because they think that's heroic. That's not what it's like at all."

Well yeah. That wasn't what I was going to say, but still. Interesting of him to say that now…

Toji actually seemed embarrassed. "Hey man, that's not… I wasn't saying that at all. Just… sometimes you need a break from all that doom and gloom, you know? Sometimes being unrealistic is okay."

With that, all the repressed anger seemed to fade as quickly as it rose, and I was actually a little proud of Toji for deflating that situation as smoothly as he did. "I suppose so," Shinji said quietly, and that was that. Toji loudly challenged me on _Invadors_' dueling mode and I begrudgingly accepted his challenge.

"That's bullshit!"

After over a dozen rounds, we decided to call it a draw, but he vowed that he would best me eventually. We got home around six in the afternoon, and Misato was surprisingly home early. I'd expected her to stay at work late again but she said that Ritsuko had "worked me long and hard enough to allow me a breather before we go at it again".

I couldn't help but groan at the joke, while Shinji blushed and Toji's nose bled a little.

"So… Toji," started Misato. We were all at the dinner table, enjoying a meal cooked by Shinji.

"Yea-OW! Son of a bitch!" Toji roared as Pen Pen pecked him from under the table. "Be gone, devil bird!"

The penguin warked in response, nimbly dodging Toji's wild kick. The rest of us laughed, causing Toji to only get angrier. "Why the hell do you have this monster just lurking around and biting guests? Where's the decency!"

Misato stifled her laughter as she answered, "He just likes you a lot, I guess!"

Toji shook his head, sitting back up in his chair and tentatively started eating his food again. "So… what were you gonna say?" he asked.

"Uh… oh right!" Misato snapped her fingers as remembered. "How's Mari doing?"

I did a double-take at that. That couldn't be…

Toji blinked, clearly taken aback by the question. "Um…okay, I guess. She sprained her ankle when the Third Angel attacked, but she's fine now. So… yeah, okay."

…It wasn't. Still, at least that finally answers what happened with his sister when Sachiel attacked. Surprisingly tame, considering.

"Glad to hear it. I know your dad personally and I know he has to work long at NERV, but Mari is lucky to have a big brother like you to depend on." Misato said with a smile.

Toji blushed and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah… I guess so."

"Anyway!" Misato shouted, making the rest of us jump in our seats at the sudden rise in volume, "Good news everyone! Your Evas are due in almost a month, along with the Second Child and Unit 02. No more lone wolf missions for you guys!"

Oh joy.

It'll be nice when we actually got each other's backs, at least. Going against an Angel alone is not an experience I'm looking forward to. An image suddenly appeared in my head of me, Shinji, Toji, Rei, and Asuka in our Evas back-to-back facing down a horde of Angels like unstoppable badasses. I would lead the charge, naturally.

Right, like Asuka would really let me take any of the glory.

"Finally!" exclaimed Toji. "About damn time I can give those Angels a piece of my mind."

Shinji seemed happy with the news as well, but I could've sworn I sensed a bit of worry on his face. I wondered why; maybe he didn't want anyone else getting hurt?

Misato nodded. "Yup. But this means we're starting your training in earnest. You and Shinji are to report to headquarters at six a.m. tomorrow to start going through basic exercises. Ken, you get two day break, then it's back to it."

Two days of staying away from an Evangelion? Fine by me.

All I said was a monotone "Alright" and it wasn't long until Toji left, grumbling about waking up early as he left. Misato and Shinji headed to bed soon after, leaving me alone with my thoughts in my room. And my thoughts were scary.

I wasn't as flat-out terrified of getting back in Eva as I thought I would be. In fact, the more I thought about it, the idea actually _excited _me. Fighting Shamshel was unlike anything I had experienced before. I had never felt more pain, confusion, and terror when I was forced to feel the lash of those whips. The monster was there, looming over me. Its eyes were empty and black, lacking of emotion and understanding. The power it exuded was overwhelming.

But I had that same power. I felt it within the Evangelion, the strength to strike back at the monster. I had the means to completely and utterly destroy my enemy, for the first time in my life. I was always the weaker of the group, the twig, the slow, and feeble. But in the Evangelion… I had strength.

And I did nothing with it.

I wanted that power back, oh so dearly. Like a slap to the face, everything became clear to me. I knew the true nature of the Evangelions. I knew they were abominations powered by the souls of slain mothers and wailing children. I knew they would lead to the end of humanity by striving to save it.

I knew that I _wanted _it, despite all my knowledge of where this was headed.

Justifications quickly leapt in to ease that revelation. Shinji, Asuka, Rei… they were all broken souls surrounded by even more broken souls. No one could help them, in the end. But I could. With the Evangelion, I could save them, and the rest of the world.

For all their flaws and issues, they were people that deserved a chance at a better life. It would be an immense burden, but I was ready to truly begin my mission: to save the fucked-up children of Tokyo-3.

That night, I went to bed ready for the upcoming nightmare with a smile on my face. The smile only grew wider when Misato checked on me to make sure I slept all right. I was ready to face Shamshel again, even if it was only a phantom of the fallen Angel.

My horrific moment of self-clarity was mostly forgotten.

_The Mo-Ningu race was an extremely religious one. The cephalopodan race constantly wondered about its origins and was always looking for answers both above and beneath the planet's surface. _

_When ruins were discovered underneath the mountain ranges of the northern continent, several sects of the dominant church, the Church of Titan, which believed in a single God that created the universe, broke off and formed a new religion; The Pod Eternal. The ruins discovered had multiple pictures depicting vast swarms of cephalopods flying amidst the stars, blessing the planets with beams of holy light spreading from their tentacles. The Pod Eternal believed that this holy light was what gave the planet life and was therefore responsible for their creation._

_The Pod Eternal quickly became popular as more ruins were discovered across the planet, which worried the Church of Titan immensely. To the Mo-Ningu, faith was the most important virtue that one must cling to no matter what. A Mo-Ningu without faith was a husk, lower than an animal. Faith defined the entire race, and if that faith was pointed in the right direction, than the entire race was headed in the "right" direction as well. The Church of Titan couldn't let its grip on the majority loosen, otherwise they feared the Mo-Ningu would surely fall into chaos and discord._

_So a long and brutal war began, fueled by zealotry and the blood of martyrs. Hundreds had died and thousands were displaced by crusades instigated by both sides. The governments were all theocratic and so did nothing to stop the bloodshed. In fact, some nations seemed to have encouraged it._

_All save for one._

_This relatively small nation, nestled between two mountain ranges and within a rainforest, was also a theocracy, run by priests of the Church of Titan. However, unlike their fearful brethren, these priests upheld the original values of the Church; all are equal under Titan, He who towers above all, and so all people and ideals have value. These priests did not fear the Pod Eternal would subvert them, and so did not join the war. Instead, they were content to rule their little rainforest and even welcomed escaping refugees that still followed the Pod Eternal. _

_This nation's scientists were devoted not to new means of warfare like the rest of the planet's, but to spreading to the stars and expanding the Mo-Ningu faith to any who inhabit them. The Pod Eternal among them particularly encouraged the space development program; to them, this was their chance to finally prove their religion to be true. As the first shuttle finally launched to the moon, all in the nation cheered._

_Still, the rest of the Mo-Ningu stubbornly kept their gaze on their hated enemies._

_Emboldened by this achievement, the progressive nation began plans to explore the planets beyond, and maybe even start colonization efforts. They eagerly sent a drone to the nearest planet, their eye stalks constantly trained on the skies above._

_Abruptly, they lost contact. The sun suddenly disappeared. And then the moon, red smear and all, vanished._

_As the inky black miasma descended upon the planet to consume all life, they couldn't help but note the tentacles._

My eyes opened slowly, fingers clenching tightly in restraint. Part of me wanted to scream, to share the sheer terror the Mo-Ningu felt as their doom crashed down on them. It took all of my willpower to fight the urge, blocking out everything else, my thoughts devoted to two words.

Don't. Scream.

I didn't, but I was so focused on not screaming that I had forgotten to hold onto another crucial mental focus. So I pissed myself.

Ugh.

Well, I'd rather deal with piss than give Misato yet another good reason to send me to a psychiatrist, so take your victories where you can. After I cleaned up as quietly as possible I turned on my desk light and wrote what I saw, putting in as much detail as possible to ensure I wouldn't be having that nightmare again. Once that was done, I felt oddly compelled to look at Shamshel's mask again for some reason. I also grabbed Sachiel's and placed them both on the desk.

I could feel a slight wrongness about them, as if they didn't belong on this earth. I could've sworn I heard a soft murmuring from them, but I quickly shook away that line of thought. Best not to dwell on such things.

Well, two down. Only thirteen to go. Hoping of course extra Angels don't get thrown in because Kaworu or Lilith or Adam is a dick like that.

I sighed and put the masks back in the drawer along with the notebook. That drawer might get awfully crowded once the Angel bodies begin to pile up. Probably should start looking for a new, more spacious hiding spot.

Eh. Later. Tired.

So I fell down on my bed and blissfully went to sleep, my dreams thankfully devoid of Angels, black shadows, and bloody moons…

Two weeks later, I couldn't remember what that felt like.

"_Dammit!" _roared Toji over the intercom, _"Why the hell is this thing so fast?!"_

No one answered him, each for different reasons. Rei didn't because, well, Rei. Shinji was too focused on the task at hand to probably even hear Toji. And I was currently recovering from a blow that sent me crashing through three skyscrapers.

Even if it was just a simulation, the Third Angel was just as insanely powerful as it was the night I stumbled into this nightmare. Of course, this time around I got the pleasure of fighting it, and, as much of a thrill I got from actually going against such an iconic enemy, I could hardly have prepared myself for the beating I got.

Rei was the first one out, taking a direct hit from a cross beam within two seconds of the fight. I was next, rushing Sachiel like an idiot and getting backhanded like a bitch. Shinji and Toji were still in the fight, but barely.

Oh wait, Toji's leg just got disintegrated. Down he went.

"_Aagh!" _he screamed, _"Bitch!"_

Sachiel's rebuttal to the cursing was a lance to Toji's face, promptly "killing" him. His simulated Eva body, a very rough model based off Unit 00, vanished into pixels, carrying away a frustrated Fourth Child with it.

And then there was Shinji.

"_Uh, Ken? You're still in here, right?"_ spoke the Third Child, worry and fear clearly evident in his voice.

"Barely," I grunted, straining to lift myself up from the rubble. "Gimme a minute."

"_I don't think I have a-AHHH!"_

Sachiel's mask flared, sending a beam of blinding light into the ground before Unit 01, creating an enormous crater that almost cut straight through the Geofront and sending the purple Eva flying into a nearby digital mountain.

Damn it.

"Shinji?" I asked meekly, "You there still?"

A cough. So yes.

We needed to be smarter than this. If Sachiel and Shamshel were this tough, there'd be no chance in hell we'd stand a chance against Ramiel as is. To me, relying on berserker Evangelions for victory every damn time was not good enough, and I'm sure the others at NERV felt the same. We need a real win, one we can pull off while still being conscious.

Sachiel seemed to disagree, if the sudden explosion in my face was any indication.

Misato had her arms folded as she stared us all down in the hallway outside the simulator room. None of us, save Rei, could meet her eyes.

"Shall I go in order or would it be better if I picked one of you at random?" she asked, her tone full of heat.

"Is this really necessary?" groaned Toji, "We all know we sucked in there…"

"Yes, it is, Pilot Suzuhara," snapped Misato, "The Commander will not stop giving me shit about your performance in there until you get your acts together, and I am _not in the mood_ for your whining."

Toji winced and seemed to shrink into himself. Misato continued, "Pilot Ayanami, you've watched the recordings of the Third Angel more than anyone in this room. You should've known how fast it was."

"I was waiting for orders." Rei replied simply.

"You don't need my permission to dodge," Misato spoke as if explaining things to a young child. "Following orders is important, but you need to be able to think for yourself sometimes. There is no way I can dictate your every action in a combat situation."

"Yes, Captain." Rei's tone had not changed, but I imagined that there was a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Misato waited a moment longer, seeing if Rei had anything else to add, before rounding on me. "What the hell were you thinking? Charging blindly is just as bad, if not worse, than doing nothing. You had no plan, and that got you killed."

I couldn't meet her withering gaze as I stared down at my feet. "I thought I could take it…"

"You _thought _you could? That's not how this works, Pilot Harada. I'm actually surprised with you, I thought you'd be able to keep your head clear."

I shrugged. "Heat of the moment, I guess…"

Call it whatever you want, but spending most of my life being conditioned to obey and be afraid of authority figures easily overrode any knowledge I had of Misato's character. Even if I knew this whole "drill sergeant" deal was an act. She just didn't want us to fail.

Misato shook her head and turned to Toji. "You managed to last a little bit longer than Pilot Harada did in melee combat, but don't think…"

My focus wavered at that point, my mind abruptly wandering on its own free will. I felt a pressure on my heart and my mind, as if someone were pressing down on me. Misato and the pilots slowly drifted away from view, fading into a darkness that surrounded me at all angles. I tried to call out to them, but no sound left my lips.

Oh no.

The pressure on me increased, causing me to wince, and a chill ran down my spine. What the hell was happening to me?

The black parted like a theater curtain, revealing places and people I had never seen before. I saw a college campus covered in snow, small figures bundled in coats as they moved through the slushy sidewalk. Crows flew through the matte-grey sky, shrieking and cawing endlessly. Some of the people I saw moving across campus looked familiar, but I couldn't recognize any of their faces.

Until I saw a couple walk by me, holding hands. I couldn't make out the boy at all, but the girl stood out to me in perfect detail. She was small, and had a slight hunch when she walked. A laptop bag smacked against her legs, which were covered by long stockings colored purple and pink. Shoulder-length hair that shifted from red to blue to purple to brown framed her pale face.

I was mesmerized. The emotions hit me like a freight train, so fast that I could really only identify them before I could feel them properly. Happiness. Confusion. Inadequacy. Depression. Rage. Betrayal.

_What the fuck?_

The girl faded into nothingness, along with the rest of the college, leaving only me and the boy. He turned to face me, and my breath hitched.

He was me. The old me. But... older.

"What the hell is this?" I shouted at him.

He just smiled sadly. The girl briefly appeared again, this time her back to us both as she walked away. He watched her retreating form and said, "Honey, you got ugly."

The crows called in the distance. I blinked.

I was back in the hallway, and Misato was still grilling Toji, like nothing had happened at all. What the hell?

Eventually, Misato dismissed us for the rest of the day, leaving me to ponder what I'd just seen. I took a stroll through the park in the Geofront to clear my head. There were still deep gouges in the earth from where Sachiel and Unit 01 had clashed, but the rubble had thankfully been cleared off a while ago, allowing the artificial nature to grow back in. I found a spot to rest by the lakefront, and I leaned back on the sand and let the soft ebb and flow of the waves (probably caused by some machine to create the actual effect) calm me down.

After a solid hour of replaying the scene over and over in my head, the closest idea I could come up with was that the "me" I left behind in my world had grown up and lived his own life without me, experience new things, and I was getting some kind of feedback from all of that.

I would've pointed out how crazy that idea was if it weren't for the situation I was currently in already.

Still, I couldn't help but feel jealousy over it. This "me" had gone to college while I was back in high school all over again, this "me" had a girlfriend while I… just didn't. Although considering the emotions that bombarded me, maybe it was better I didn't deal with that.

With a shrug, I sat up and looked across the Geofront once more. A swan and her baby swans (chicks? swanletts?) were drifting through the calm waters, which shimmered under the artificial light. If I listened carefully, I could hear the drone of construction still going on in the Geofront ceiling, dealing with the final damages caused by Shamshel's rampage.

There was no use putting too much thought into the vision. It wasn't like I could control that kind of thing anyway. That was one thing that all I could do was roll with the punches. I stood up and headed back to the city above.

Another week came and went, with little to no activity that stood out other than Unit 01's repairs finally being completed. I didn't have any more visions, Angelic or otherwise, and my days were spent either in school or in simulation chambers. I was going nuts with the monotony, waiting for something, _anything_, to happen.

Something finally did, when the time came that Shinji was asked to deliver Rei's ID card. _Of course_ I volunteered to go with him, what self-respecting (ha!) _NGE_ fan wouldn't go? _Of course_ I thought that it might finally help at least crack some of the barriers the girl built around her life.

_Of course_ I failed miserably.

It went like this: we go to her door, she doesn't answer, and we break and enter. It all plays out exactly like in the show. Shinji puts on the glasses, sees naked Rei, freaks out, falls on her, and grabs her tits.

I thought I was prepared for it. I, most likely including everyone else that has seen the show, had memorized this scene perfectly and knew exactly how it all played out. But that didn't help when I was actually there. The awkwardness was like this physical thing beating down on me, almost driving me insane. So I reacted accordingly.

"I'm out."

I waited outside, refusing to totally abandon Shinji to his torment. And walking with that little guy downstairs doing a happy dance would've been a bitch. Oh, the joys of being trapped in a body just starting puberty. Rei had left first, just like before, followed by a confused Shinji, who nonetheless sent me a vicious glare before chasing after her.

I figured I'd let that go down normally (getting slapped by a girl is just one of those things a man has to go through) so I went home, kicking myself all the while.

I froze and panicked in a bad situation _again! _All because Rei had a better body than any fourteen year-old girls should be allowed to!

At that point I gave up trying to socialize with her. I knew her attitude wouldn't change but mine sure as hell would. I decided that if there were ever going to be any bonding between her and the rest of the pilots, including me, then it would have to be through the Evangelions.

Barring that incident, nothing else really happened. At least, until four weeks to the date after Shamshel's attack. Unit 00 had _finally _been completely repaired after my shit show of a battle and Rei was in more than fit condition to resume her position as her pilot. However, one Thursday morning, this good news was immediately overshadowed.

AT-Field sensors detected an anomaly coming from the Pacific, and it didn't take long for the MAGI to confirm a Pattern: Blue.

Ramiel, the Angel of Thunder, had come.

Almost a day behind it was a certain red Evangelion and its pilot.

Three days behind _her _were Unit 03 and Unit 04.

Well. Shit.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wait, I updated? Seriously? After how long?

Yeah... I could have a long-winded monologue about life and how much it's changed since I started writing this... But I won't. Unless you ask, I suppose. Anyway, you might notice some changes in the spelling of certain names, which is totally intentional and done in light of learning a few things between the last time I posted and now. I'll update the previous chapters with these changes ASAP so it isn't too jarring.

Sorry for the long wait for those of you who have been following this, and expect more soon! Next chapter is gonna be all Ramiel.


	6. Chapter 6: Before the Plunge

I stood uneasily in the briefing room with Misato, Ritsuko, the other pilots, and the bridge crew as a live video feed of the Angel played on the screen. An enormous blue octahedron hovered above the Japanese landscape, making its way to Tokyo-3 with an almost unnerving slowness. Okay, it was actually _very_ unnerving. It felt almost leisurely on Ramiel's part.

Ramiel's appearance was unchanged, and that gave me hope that the battle wouldn't be too different from that in the show. But then I remembered Sachiel, which had also seemed the same and yet had proved as powerful as Zeruel. Would something similar happen in the Fifth Angel's case too? Ramiel's attack in the first _Rebuild_ movie came to mind. When I first saw it, I was blown away with how cool the constantly-shifting Angel had appeared, but then the idea of facing something like _that_ in battle, impossible geometry and all, terrified me. It'd be even worse if it was somehow even more powerful this time around.

Then I remembered how the battle with Ramiel began.

Doing my best to repress the memories of Shinji screaming bloody murder, I coughed and asked, "So, what's the plan?"

Gaze never wavering from the display of the Angel, Misato stated, "We deploy Units 01 and 00 in the city, where they will engage the Fifth Angel and destroy it."

Still going with the canon option, huh? Not if I have anything to say about it.

"Uh, seriously?" I asked. "We know nothing about what this Angel is capable of. It looks nothing like the last two, which probably means we need a different approach."

"You're correct," said Misato. "We don't know what it can do, which is why we need to take it out as quickly as possible, before it can act."

Damn it, I probably won't be able to win this argument if I keep beating around the bush. Some of my frustration leaked into my voice when I asked "Isn't there another we can figure out what it can do _without _throwing our only two Evas at it blindly? Like, a decoy or something?"

Misato's eyes narrowed, and her tone lowered dangerously. "Pilot Harada, are you _quite _done questioning your commanding officer?"

I had been cowed by the very same tone during training, but now all it did was make me mad. I was trying to spare Shinji the pain of having a particle beam drill into his chest, and hopefully save Rei as well, but all I was getting was the "commanding officer" bullshit! Why couldn't these people see that I was trying to save them!?

Looking back, I can't believe how arrogant I was back then.

Taking my simmering silence to be my answer to her question, Misato looked away from me and started to talk strategy. "Shinji, we'll deploy you ahead of Rei on the southeast edge of the city. You'll both be issued pallet rifles for this sortie…"

Ignoring her, my mind rattled off, scrambling for ways to change the way things were going. If Shinji and Rei were deployed as it was, Ramiel would blast them instantly before they could even do anything. Sure, Shinji had survived in the show, and it all still worked out, but surely we could win without having to go through such a disastrous beginning all over again? But this raised another question.

Would I be meddling too much, too soon? All of the pain Shinji endured at the beginning would surely toughen him up for the even greater struggles to come. He already lost out on crucial development by not being in the battle against Shamshel, so who knows what'll happen to him as things progress. Maybe I _should _let him get hurt now, when I know he'll survive, so it'll help him in the long run. Pain can be a good thing.

Should I change this?

But then I remembered Sachiel and Shamshel. The Angels were without a doubt much more powerful than before, so it stood to reason that Ramiel would also be a greater challenge. What if Ramiel's beams could kill us instantly this time around? Or if it's shifting powers adapted it into something even more incomprehensible? There were too many unknowns. Not for the first time, I cursed this newly-changed world and the fact that it messed with my ability to predict things before they happen.

I also remembered Shinji's comments about piloting at the arcade, and from other conversations. He was already painfully aware of the risk of Eva, and took it very seriously. Sachiel was lesson enough for him to know that this road will be a tough one. He still didn't have a true reason to fight, which was a problem, but I had a feeling he'd find it soon.

Besides, I remembered my earlier pledge. Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and all the rest deserved good, happy lives, and I'll be damned if I just sit on the sidelines watching things deteriorate while I was in a position to do something about it. So, I blurted out the first thing I could think of to move things along a different path.

"It's ranged!"

All heads turned towards me at the sudden outburst. For a couple awful seconds, the only sound in the briefing room was my own pounding heartbeat. Finally, Misato spoke. "What?"

"I mean…" Damn it, don't falter now. "I think it only attacks from a distance. Just from looking at it, it doesn't seem to have any means to fight up close." Thank god, finally a use for all of those hours spent analyzing a fictional universe. Time to whip out the nerd-speak. "It has no limbs or any other physical attributes to indicate that it's designed for melee combat. I think the best way to attack is either from extremely long range or short range, right in its face. Anything between those is too hazardous."

Suddenly feeling very embarrassed from all of the confused eyes staring at me, I sheepishly added, "That's what I was trying to say earlier. Sorry."

Unbelievably, it was Ritsuko who spoke first, but not before giving a small chuckle. "My, my, quite the little strategist we got here."

"It's tactics, not strategy," Misato corrected, but her tone was considerably lighter. "But you have a point. Where'd you learn to think like that?" she asked me.

"Video games," I mumbled, suddenly finding my feet very interesting. All of my confidence was burned out at that point. I didn't want to push things any more than I already had. The last thing I wanted was to keep butting heads with Misato.

Misato and Ritsuko exchanged a look, and then the former sighed and said, "Okay. You've clearly put a lot more thought into this than I thought. We'll launch a dummy attack using JSDF forces against the Angel, but if it provides no results Unit 01 and 00 will engage _immediately_. Understood?"

Thank god! It actually worked! I nodded vigorously, deciding that if I said anything else it might ruin everything.

Misato turned to Rei and Shinji. "I want you two in your Evas prepped and ready to go. Get going."

The two pilots nodded and departed, but not before Shinji spared a quick parting glance at the image of Ramiel advancing slowly. I'm sure he was starting to have unpleasant flashbacks of the last time he got in an Eva. I could only hope that all of the time we've spent in the training simulations were enough to prepare him for the fight ahead.

I sure as hell knew I wasn't ready.

After a few minutes on the phone with whom I assumed was JSDF command, Misato declared that the operation had begun. Another display showed on the screen, revealing a squadron of little blips heading toward Ramiel at high speed. The pilots reported visual contact of the Angel.

One by one the blips vanished, barely a second apart. For a brief moment there was still one more blip, a pilot that had managed to eject in time, but it disappeared just as quickly.

I could only blink dumbly at the screen. Everyone else gasped or swore loudly. I could've sworn that I saw a trace of fear in Ritsuko's eyes, but Misato's told a different story. She stared at the Angel with steely resolve in her hard gaze, and I could already see the hate-fueled cogs in her head begin to process just how she was going to kill it.

Good news: I was right.

Bad news: I was _too damn right_.

**Chapter 6: Before the Plunge**

Misato reconsidered her strategy. After several minutes in silent thought, she dismissed Toji and I from the briefing room and started to make calls for what I knew was the beginning of Operation Yashima. As we were leaving, Maya reported that the Angel had begun to drill into the Geofront.

Well, that was that. Ramiel had briefly altered its appearance during the encounter, so it was safe to say we were dealing with an upgraded _Rebuild_ incarnation. Hopefully Operation Yashima would be enough to beat Ramiel this time around. It's all in Misato's hands now.

For a while, Toji and I just wandered the busy hallways of NERV HQ, narrowly dodging rushing technicians or other personnel as we went. On each and everyone's faces was the same expression of sweat and fear that came to be the norm during an Angel attack. Everyone had seen the footage of Ramiel swatting down the jets like they were nothing at all. Still, not one dared voice their fears, wisely going about their tasks with as much professionalism as they could maintain.

It wasn't the fact that the Angel was powerful; in fact, that was expected at that point. It was the _way _that it was powerful that seemed to frighten everyone. The Fifth Angel was not the slowly plodding but somewhat familiar Third and Fourth Angels, who could at least easily be measured by their appearances. A giant shape-shifting octahedron, on the other hand? It was an impossibility, a mockery of life itself. It had no limbs, no face, and a totally incomprehensible goal. There wasn't even solid proof that it was actually _alive _in the first place. It could have been a machine or some even stranger cosmic force as far as anyone around here knew. It was completely and utterly alien and immensely powerful. How could anyone feel anything but terror in the face of such an entity?

As we avoided yet another group of scientist-looking people making their way to the Project E labs, Toji grumbled, "I feel so useless."

"How do you mean?" I asked, before rounding another corner. A sign on the wall read "Cafeteria Lounge" and pointed to the right, so I redirected us that way, figuring we wouldn't get in anyone's way there.

"I mean," Toji said, dissatisfaction rising in his tone, "All these people have a job to do, somethin' that keeps 'em busy and helps NERV out. What about us? Until our Evas get here, you and me are just taking up space sitting around with our thumbs in our asses."

Great, feelings of inadequacy. I was hardly a stranger to those.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, man," I counseled, "No one expects anything of us until we can actually do something."

"Says the guy who's already fought _and _helped plan back there," Toji said snidely, "Besides, it's not about what they think I should do. I want to go out there _now _and kick that stupid pyramid's ass, because _that's_ what I'm good at. I'm just sick of waiting."

That was a view I could certainly sympathize with. However, this still wasn't good. If Toji kept having these issues built up, I would _not _want to be around him when he's finally given an Eva of his own. We couldn't afford to have a wild card on our side, not with the Angels being more powerful and unpredictable, and if Toji's unhappiness grew into more negative emotions then there'd be no telling what the cost would be.

And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little annoyed at his remark about my actions so far. Was that pride?

"Toji…" I started, "I can't stress enough that there is literally _nothing _you and I can do right now about anything, at least directly. I'm sorry, but all we can do is support the others any way we can."

"Easy for you to say," he muttered, "You've already fought one of those things, even if you got your ass kicked. And you just helped strategize or whatever back there. You've done something. I've done squat." Before, he had been maintaining a level tone, but just then I could've sworn I detected a trace of bitterness.

Throwing the past in my face, nice. Still, I had no idea how to handle this. I don't remember Toji ever showing this much bitterness, especially so early on in the show. I was expecting a much more laidback attitude from him, but I should have figured that things wouldn't be that simple. Just one more kid with issues to deal with.

I tried thinking about what to say in response, but my train of thought was interrupted by a smooth, clear voice that came from behind us.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, Mr. Suzuhara."

The two of us turned to see the very picture of stoic calm. He stood tall and rigid, but not tense. His appearance showed him to be composed and collected, from his crisp brown uniform to his immaculately combed grey hair. His wrinkled, narrow face held a dignity about it that commanded respect. He was a haven of peace and security amidst the heavy fog of dread that stuck to everyone else around us.

Safe to say I had completely forgotten this guy even existed until this point.

Vice Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki looked down on us with a stern gaze and continued without waiting for our response. "Would you mind if I joined you to the lounge?" he asked in a tone that clearly indicated he didn't give a rat's ass if we minded or not. Once again, he didn't wait for us and started a purposeful stride in the direction we were headed. Despite ourselves, we followed obediently behind him.

It's really tough to describe Fuyutsuki without actually seeing the man, and I don't just mean seeing him in the anime. The Fuyutsuki of the show came off as a decent authority figure that nevertheless held little to no real power or respect and was only around because he felt like he had no other choice. I couldn't remember him having any real connection to the pilots outside of some pity for Shinji, I think, so he seemed out of focus save for the flashback episode. Either way, I had written him off as unimportant and forgettable.

_This _Fuyutsuki was anything but. Misato was a competent leader, but after living with her and seeing how hot-headed she can be whenever Angels are involved, she just didn't inspire true loyalty in her charges, at least not yet. Gendo ruled through fear, not respect, and that was the end of that. But Fuyutsuki… there was _something _about this man, the way he carried himself or how he spoke, that made me want to trust him implicitly. This was not the same man who had been cowed by Gendo into going along with his plans. So, while I'd be lying if I was saying I didn't get caught up in Fuyutsuki's aura of authority, a small part of me couldn't help but ask:

What had changed? And why the hell was he talking to us when we were currently in a state of emergency?

A couple seconds passed by in silence as we marched down the hall. People passing us respectfully moved out of Fuyutsuki's way. Toji, who I knew was still simmering, sent me a questioning glance, at which I just shrugged. Your guess was as good as mine, man.

Finally, Fuyutsuki spoke. "You know, I've never actually been to the cafeteria. I'm a very busy man, so I generally have my meals in my office. Still, I wish I could make the time to see other people on a regular basis besides Gendo." The tone with which he said the Commander's name could best be described as deliberately vague.

Oh, he is _totally _setting up a speech or something right now.

He continued, "It's easy to lose perspective when you stop seeing people. I realized that too late in life. My old colleagues kept telling me that I should take socializing more seriously, but I never listened. Work, work, work, that was all that mattered. And it does matter, but so do people. The big picture is made of little pictures, after all."

Toji seemed to be breaking free from Fuyutsuki's commanding hold over us. "Look, this is cool and all. Ya know, your life story and how boring it is. But don't you have a job to do or something?

I winced a little at that. Come on, man, a little respect for your elders? Although he did have a point…

Without missing a beat, Fuyutsuki answered, "This operation is in Captain Katsuragi's capable hands, Mr. Suzuhara. I will be called upon if I am needed."

We finally entered the last hallway before the cafeteria, and I could see the lounge doors across the short distance to the end. There were no more people passing us, so it looked like my guess about there being no one around here was accurate.

"Still not really answering the question. Sir."

We were about halfway down the hall at that point. Fuyutsuki seemed to be taking his time before answering, clearly waiting for something.

"You are quite correct," he started slowly, "I suppose I've been beating around the bush a little. You must forgive me; when you are as old as I am, you too might feel the need to run your mouth to the whippersnappers now and then."

_If _we ever get the chance to be as old as you, I couldn't help but think.

We reached the doors, and before he pushed his way through them, Fuyutsuki said, "I'm quite weary of clichés, but allow me to answer your question with another question."

He opened the doors and asked, "Why are you here?"

Oh, you _brilliant bastard_, I see what you did there. 'Weary of clichés', my ass.

The cafeteria lounge looked like any other, if slightly more lavish than what I was used to. But that wasn't what held my attention.

Toji blinked dumbly for a second, but quickly recovered. "To fight the Angels, sir."

"No, that's just your job," Fuyutsuki said patiently "_Why _are you fighting the Angels?"

"Because I was chosen to." Toji became strangely stone-faced. "Because no one else can. Sir."

Fuyutsuki frowned and shook his head. "You were chosen, Mister Suzuhara, from a wide range of candidates who were equally suitable for your position. You are a part of a team, a team whose only goal is the salvation of humanity. No one member can stand alone; otherwise they will fall. This is what sets humanity above the rest of the animal kingdom and also why we will ultimately defeat the Angels. They stand alone, while we stand together. I believe you will see this, when you take your turn on the battlefield. When you rely on the people around you not for your success but_ for your life_, you have something far greater to fight for than mere personal glory. Am I making sense."

Toji's nostrils flared very briefly, but he quickly calmed down, clearly not wanting the Vice Commander to get the better of him. He replied, "I think all you've made clear so far is the real reason you eat alone every day. Anyway, I'm going for a walk. Shit's getting boring around here."

We both watched him leave, and Fuyutsuki sighed. "You're his friend, yes? Give him time to be angry now, but you should talk to him later."

Was Toji actually that angry? I didn't detect anything that bad… Maybe Fuyutsuki was imagining it, but regardless I told him I'd talk to Toji later. Might as well placate the superiors.

"That would be prudent," he nodded. "This is the first time you've spoken since I found you two. Mr. Suzuhara was rather outspoken, yet you have kept your silence. Why?"

Briefly taken aback by his blunt question, I thought for a moment and then shrugged. "I… uh, don't really know what to say to that. Sir."

"It's intriguing. You seem a quiet individual, yet you have brief bouts of extreme confidence at interesting moments. Your rather trite speech to the Third Child several weeks ago was one, as was your outburst in the briefing room earlier."

Wait, what?

He was watching me. Or Gendo was. Or both. Which isn't really all that surprising, but still. His words carried implications I didn't particularly care for, which I suppose was the point.

Or maybe I was just annoyed that he called my totally awesome speech to Shinji _trite_.

"Regardless, that is neither here nor there at the moment. You still have not answered my question."

Smooth. I blanked out for a moment, before it clicked. "Uh… right. Well, I guess…" My mind fished around for an answer that would hopefully satisfy him. "I'm here because I want to save humanity."

He shook his head sadly. "I don't think either of us really believe that. That line may be good enough for the press, but not for yourself. Mr. Suzuhara may want to fight for his own sake, for now, but I fear you have a very different problem: you lack any real drive, as far as I can see. Perhaps you would do well to consider the very same question you asked of the Third?"

I… didn't have anything to say to that. I only nodded numbly and mumbled, "Yes, sir."

"Good man," Fuyutsuki nodded. A chirping tone reverberated from his pocket, which he reached into and produced a phone. He checked the screen and sighed. "Well, duty calls. The Commander is nothing without his lackey." He smiled wryly. "Do think about what I said, young man - not just to your friend, but to you as well. Good day, Mr. Harada."

"I will. Thank you. Sir."

At that, he departed, leaving me alone in the cafeteria.

At a loss with what to do for the time being, I made my way to one of the plastic red chairs that littered the room and sat down. I looked out to the Geofront, with its carefully-mowed grass, artificial lake, and reflected sunlight from above, and turned my thoughts inward.

_Why are you here?_

That's a very good question.

Questioning what put me here and why was pointless at this time, just recycling the same wild theories over and over again until things got heavier later in the game. I very likely wouldn't even have the answers until Third Impact, if it even happened like before. That wasn't what I was wondering about right now.

Why did I stay in Tokyo-3, knowing full-well that I would be in for a world of hurt and suffering if I stayed? I could've just as easily walked out and tried to get back home, or what remains of it, just to live the rest of my days away from this hell and let NERV handle itself on its own. I had a decent amount of spending money thanks to NERV checks, so it's not like I'd be entirely helpless out there. They let Shinji do it in the series, and he was way more important than I'll ever be, so they'd certainly allow _me _to bow out if I so chose.

But I had never even considered that as an option when I first got here. This world wasn't mine. I'd find nothing familiar back home in the States. Even if I could, I wasn't the same person anymore. I was Keniuchio Harada, orphaned Japanese-American high-schooler and Evangelion pilot. I stayed because I knew I had no friends. I had to to stay where things were familiar.

But then I started to know people I could actually consider myself friends with, or at least on the way to becoming them.

_They are not your friends and never will be. They don't matter because they are __**fake**__ and you are __**real.**_

I shook my head and tried to forget the thought. I had too many other things to worry about.

…but I couldn't. The thought was there to stay, mocking me, whispering in my ear. I heard the words over and over until…

… I realized it was all true. The characters of _Evangelion _were just that. Characters. Not real. No matter how much I tried to talk to them or bond with them, I still hadn't forgotten that I was still just living the events of a fictional world. I didn't see the world around me as truly real. No one mattered except for me and what I wanted.

Because, in the end, my life didn't begin when a man started writing.

I had wondered how I could see everyone as lesser than me, but when I really started to think about it it became all too easy. Shinji was a spineless whiner with daddy issues. Rei barely fit the definition of a human being, and was an utterly passive one at that. Asuka was a proud bitch who relied on the praise of others to maintain the will to live. And that's not even touching on the so-called 'adults'.

It was so pathetically easy for me to put myself above them. I looked inward and saw something that disgusted me.

What have you been doing, you greedy bastard?

You just see this as some perfect fantasy, don't you? Sure, you might not be as smooth as you'd like with the ladies, but that's just because you haven't really tried yet. You're living the dream. Thrown into one of your favorite stories, where you know all the tricks and got all the cards in your hand. You know everyone and, for the first time in your pathetic life, you know all of their dirty little secrets. You get to be the hero, the knight in white shining armor, riding in the perfect war machine to save the day and get the girl. You even admitted it to yourself earlier. You _love_ the power the Evangelion gives you, and you want _more _of it, now!

You could seriously help these people, not by playing psychologist, fucking them (don't lie and say you haven't thought about it), or being some great warrior! You could be their guide, the shepherd that leads them to the happy ending they deserve. You don't even have to take center stage! Just be there for them out of genuine kindness. But you won't do that. You've lived a cushy life and never had to deal with any _real _problems. Your father never abandoned you, your mother never tried to kill you or commit suicide. The worse you've ever had was the occasional heartbreak and sometimes pissing off your parents. How _dare _you put yourself above these people?

I sat in alone in the cafeteria for quite a while, desperately wanting to go home and forget this all ever happened. My real home.

A plain two-story house in Chicagoan suburbia, always there waiting for me during breaks. A family I didn't really know to appreciate until I left. My best friend and his confrontational but caring attitude, my other friends and their horribly off-color jokes, and all the rest, so many different faces and personalities filled with life and variety that made my own life interesting.

God, I missed them so much.

My phone beeped in my pocket, and I quickly reached for it, thankful for the distraction. Orders from Misato to report to the briefing room immediately. I sighed and stood up, pushing my chair back into place before making my way back. If my guess was correct, it was finally time to be officially informed on Operation Yashima.

It turned out my guess was correct. I entered the briefing room, which held only Misato, Rei, and Shinji, the latter two still in their plugsuits. Misato asked me where Toji was, and I told her he was in the bathroom and that I'd tell him what she told me. She seemed to accept that and proceeded to inform us that the Angel would drill through the Geofront at its current rate in less than nine hours. She then explained Operation Yashima, which was exactly how it was in the series - with one difference.

"After the first round of bombardment from automatic defenses, Unit 02 will airdrop onto the target and engage it at extreme close range. This should catch the Angel's full attention and give Unit 01 an opening to exploit."

Huh. That is _considerably _ballsy. It wouldn't surprise me if Asuka requested that course of action herself.

"But, what if I hit him instead?" asked Shinji, doubt creeping in.

Heh.

I could tell Misato repressed a smile at that, too, but she held it back when she said simply, "You won't."

Shinji's eyes bulged. "B-but—"

"But nothing," Misato interrupted, "The targeting system we're incorporating into Unit 01 will be calibrated to take into account everything from the lightest breeze to the gravitational pull of the earth. It also will _not _allow you to fire on a friendly, as a fail-safe measure."

That seemed to mollify Shinji. "Okay. Good."

Misato turned toward me. "Ken, you and Toji will be on standby for the next nine hours. You two will accompany Shinji and Rei to Mt. Futago and await further orders. When the operation begins at midnight, you will join me in the command bunker. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Front row seats to the apocalypse, just what I wanted. Still, I just had one question. "Will we be meeting Unit 02's pilot before the operation?"

Misato shook her head. "No, there's no time."

So, no Asuka yet. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little relieved that I didn't have to deal with her just yet.

The Captain let out a deep breath. "Anyway, that's it for Toji and head to the temporary base at Mt. Futago. I'll see you all later tonight."

Misato departed, leaving me, Shinji, and Rei. Well, now what the hell was I supposed to do for the next nine hours?

Well, find Toji, obviously, but I still wasn't sure if he _wanted _to be found right now. I shook my head of the thought. He needed to be aware of what was happening, issues or not, and there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

There was still the problem of finding him, of course.

"So," Shinji started, surprising me, "Should we go get Toji now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but I have no clue where he is."

"I thought you said he was in the bathroom?"

"I lied," I admitted, "But that's not important right now. I doubt he's left the Geofront, so I think if we split up we'll find him soon enough."

"I will search for him in the lower levels of HQ. I will contact both of you should I locate him." Rei said, reminding me with a jolt that she was still there, and then immediately departed. Seriously, I really needed to start trying to socialize with her. I've been neglecting her due to the sheer awkwardness, but I really need to just sack up and deal with it. She deserves attention just as much as the rest of 't help that she's more antisocial than a pile of bricks and just plain _creepy_ when it came right down to it. Getting her to open up was a task that would take years, let alone the several months over the course of the show.

"Uh, I'll check the upper levels then, I guess." Shinji offered, after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Sounds good, I'll check the park." I said, and at that, we began our search.

Doing my best not to think about the sheer size of the area I had to cover, I grabbed one of the rental bikes that were available at the gym (didn't even know we had that) and made my way across the Geofront landscape. Luckily Keniuchio's body was somewhat in shape, so a relatively leisurely bike ride wasn't too difficult.

Still, it took a good twenty minutes until I found him sitting on a park bench staring at the lake. I sent Shinji and Rei a brief text telling them I found him and that they should go ahead to Mt. Futago, and then made my way over to Toji. He turned to face me when he heard my approach, but didn't say anything. I parked the bike next to the bench and asked, "How you doing?"

Toji turned his head back to the lake. "Fine," he said nonchalantly. "I just needed some space. That old man got to me."

"He did have a point," I said sitting down on the opposite end of the bench. We spent a few quiet moments simply staring ahead, watching the way the light shimmered in the still water. Birds chirped in the trees behind us, filling the air with their little songs. No matter how peaceful the world seemed to be then, I couldn't help but remember the Angel directly above, slowly but surely drilling closer and closer to us with every minute.

"Want to talk about it?" I finally asked.

"Nah, thanks. I'm not really feeling the shrink thing right now." Toji threw me a wolfish grin. "'Sides, don't you gotta tell me how we're killing that punk Angel?"

After giving him the rundown, we both made our way to Mt. Futago. It wasn't too hard flagging down a VTOL ride after flashing our Pilot IDs, so we had an aerial view of Operation Yashima, which was quite frankly an immense undertaking. The Rebuild movie did a better job of showing the scale of the operation than the anime, but it was still quite the impressive sight.

But what impressed me the most were the people at the heart of all the construction. They all clearly came from different walks of life, a wide variety of engineers, scientists, technicians, workers, electricians, plumbers, and all other sorts of people. It only became evident to me after I was at ground level, but each face seemed to tell a different story. People-watching quickly became my method of passing the time, creating stories for people that walked by going just off their faces.

Some people had fear evident on their faces, eyes quickly darting to catch a glimpse of the Angel before going back to work. Others had a grim sort of determination, never speaking . I felt like they were the most afraid.

There was a man, a construction worker that was all smiles, keeping up people's morale with lame jokes. He was very boisterous and acted like he was everyone's friend, or maybe it wasn't an act. I caught that his last name was Seki, which I think I recognized from one the students in my class. I couldn't quite place the relative's face with the name, though.

Not many people stood out like he had. Eventually night fell over Tokyo-3, and the countdown ticked ever closer. Misato and Ritsuko were insanely busy and Toji seemed content with observing the legions of workers, so I decided to look for Shinji and Rei.

It wasn't difficult. Less than a hour left until midnight, and most of the activity had subsided. The rifle was ready, the air around it hazy with heat and power. Everyone was either in the bunkers or doing final check-ups. Save for two.

They both sat on the platforms between their Evas, which stood like silent sentinels along the mountainside, guarding it from the creature that threatened us all. Their enormity never ceased to amaze me. Unit 00 stared out into the distance with its cyclopean head, its single crimson eye sending shivers of unease down my spine. I felt like it knew I was watching it and it held only contempt for the abuse I had put it through. I rubbed my side at the memory. Unit 01's head was bowed, its beetle-like horn pointed at Ramiel, as if in challenge.

Perhaps I was just over-thinking things.

When I finally reached the two pilots, I caught them in the middle of their talk.

"You're braver than I am, Ayanami."

I had thought a lot about this particular moment and whether or not I should do anything to change it. This led to one of the happiest moments in the entire series, which were few and far between. If I did anything to change it, would I deprive Shinji and Rei of their special moment?

"I have nothing else."

The words stabbed at me, ripping my heart open and making feel…

"You have nothing else?"

I hadn't done _nearly _enough to help these people, to make their hell a heaven - or at least someplace brighter. Shinji was still so innocent, and Rei so… sad. The enormity of my task was laid bare, right then. How could I possibly help these people? How could I save them, when I myself needed saving from this place?

The Angels presented the most obvious threat. If I slipped up and failed to predict them correctly, the world ends and humanity might as well have never existed. But even worse were the human threats. The ever-present conspiracy loomed over me. If Gendo or Seele found out what I knew… the best I could hope for was a quick death. What happened to Ritsuko came to mind.

What I really wanted to be saved from was, as melodramatic as it sounded, was myself. Back home, I had always had family and friends I could lean on and seek comfort from. I could tell them the truth and they'd accept me and help me. Just thinking about those moments almost made me cry again.

I was alone here, in this world. I always had been, but hadn't truly realized it. I knew the characters and the story, but wasn't a part of it. There was no one I could fully trust. If I gushed out my emotions to anyone here, I'd be met with rejection. I've dealt with rejection before, everybody has.

Take my first girlfriend. Before we began dating, we were thick as thieves, sharing each other's deepest secrets and I'd always comfort her when she needed it. But something changed, slowly. The hour-long talks about the zombies, the playful winks, the shy smiles and sweet kisses, all disappeared…. and I had no idea how to fix things. Eventually she broke up with me, citing reasons I can't even remember, and I cried. A lot.

Or take my mother. The very day before I got here I was making some lunch. I was pissed at myself for not eating, pissed at my mom for guilting me for it, and just generally pissy. Mom saw me and gave me a hug, probably meant as an apology and showing that she only yelled because she was worried and cared about me. I'd be, too, if my kid wasn't eating properly.

But I flinched.

Mom let go, angry at first, but then she started to cry. God, seeing her cry was awful. She sobbed about how she hated how "stand-offish" I always was and how she felt like I never tried to connect with anyone.

I never had the chance to apologize.

So while I wasn't a stranger to rejection, this time rejection meant something - not just for me, but for… _everyone_. I was walking a very fine line, and my actions could have very heavy consequences for the bigger picture.

If things went downhill just as they were in the series, or _worse _thanks to me, everyone would shut themselves off from each other just to avoid anymore pain. There would be no trust, no hope, and the only reason people would keep fighting at that point would be just to follow orders or because they were just shells of people, too far gone to care anymore. If I wasn't a person they could trust at that point, there'd be nothing I could do about it. They'd turn the rejection into an unbreachable wall that they'd cower behind.

In short, I might as well not even exist if that were to happen. That was my fear, and ultimately what kept me from totally committing to them. That, and if I were to open up at all, I might accidentally reveal the small detail that I know _everything about them_.

But I couldn't keep going on like that.

Sure, I managed to convince Misato to not send Shinji straight into fire this time, saving him from more pain. That was good. But what about everything else? Shinji's as reclusive as ever, despite my speech to him earlier, Rei's a brick wall of emotional suppression and mental conditioning, and I doubt Misato will ever really see me as anything more than just a kid.

What could I possibly offer that would change them? A few kind words here, a couple offers of advice there, against what? Lifetimes of neglect and honest-to-god programming, schemes at least older than half a century, and lunatics playing god with technology that operated more like magic. Nothing in my life prepared for any of this. It would've been _nice _if I had some help, like maybe a whimsical Angel sidekick, or a level-headed ally who didn't suffer from crippling psychological issues.

The former was more likely than the latter.

"It's time."

God, I wanted to go home.

But I couldn't. So I had to make the most of it. For them.

But mostly me.

"Good bye…"

"Rei…" I said, surprising myself. Rei and Shinji both were caught off-guard, gasping at my voice, although Rei held her surprise much better than Shinji. The moon shone around her, making her pale skin appear translucent and her body look like it wasn't really there, as if it were a CGI effect that worked a little too well. Her shoulders seemed too narrow for her body and her limbs were longer than what was proportional, longer than what felt... 'right'. The color of her hair was too pure, leaving no doubt that it wasn't dyed but natural, or whatever 'natural' really was when it came to Rei Ayanami. Her chin ended in a point, which was difficult to spot initially but once I saw it I just couldn't ignore it. Her nose was also slightly pointed too, and smaller than a human nose ought to be. Her eyes were a little too big and the color too dim, and they stared right back at me.

For the first time since I had arrived, I felt genuinely unsettled around her. It wasn't awkwardness or some odd form of attraction, I knew better. How come I hadn't realized it before? Was it the moon?

Regardless, I had to keep going, so I swallowed my anxiety and continued.

"Don't say you have nothing else. It's not true. You have me, and you have Shinji. I'm sorry I haven't been trying very hard to get to know you…" I struggled to find something else to say, "But that doesn't matter right now."

"No, it doesn't." Did she sound confused, or was that just me clutching at straws? "Why are you talking about this?"

Her matter-of-fact response interrupted my already-clumsy train of thought. I floundered to think of something, _anything_, that might reach through to her.

" You're not…" Do I dare? "Replaceable."

Rei blinked. Her blank expression shifted into something I couldn't read. My chest tightened and my hands suddenly felt clammy. Oh god, did I go too far?

Several awful seconds passed by in silence, and then she simply stated, "Yes, I am." Her expression didn't change. She turned away from me, moving toward Unit 00. I could only watch in silence as the First Child walked further and further away. She might as well have been a world away. Another failure.

I heard Shinji stand up behind me. I'd almost forgotten he was there. Putting thoughts of Rei aside for now, I asked, "You find it yet?"

Blue eyes looked back at me briefly in confusion, before memory kicked in. Shinji looked down and shook his head. Surprise.

"That's fine," I said, "Anyway, good luck out there, man. We all believe in you."

"Thanks," he muttered. I sighed and started to walk away. Okay, so maybe my comment was a little weak and half-assed, but he didn't seem to catch that. At least there was _someone _in this place that I had more or less pegged. It gave me hope that I had more of a hold on things that I thought.

"Wait!"

I turned back to see Shinji visibly in turmoil. He was shaking a little bit and sweat was forming on his brow. Nerves about the coming battle, no doubt. He was probably about to let loose all of his fears. Looks like I had to prepare another awesome prep speech…

"W-were you being t-truthful with Ayanami?" Shinji asked, not without some difficulty.

Uh oh.

Where the _hell _did that come from?!

"Why would you think that?" I asked, desperately fishing for ways to dodge the answer.

"You know damn well why," said Shinji, without raising his tone but still making me flinch. "You never talk to her. Hell, you didn't even speak to her when we visited her apartment! You just ran away!" His expression grew thoughtful for a moment. He said, "You just ran away…" again, but more softly, before shaking his head and facing me again.

"You obviously don't actually care about her. Otherwise you would've done something a long time ago. But then you just come up here, out of the blue, eavesdropping on us, and suddenly telling Rei she's all important to you and you care about her! That doesn't make any sense! That's not what friends do!"

Shinji stared at me, and I could've sworn I saw fire behind his blue eyes. I shrunk away and wrapped my arms around myself, fighting the urge to just run away.

He was right. So, so right it hurt. What could I honestly tell him to defend myself?

"No… it's not," I started, my voice shaky, "I was just trying to help."

"How does lying about being someone's friend help anything?! That's just wrong!"

When I didn't answer, he kept going. "Rei can be a little weird sometimes, but she's still a person! She deserves better."

"I know that. Please trust me, I know Rei deserves _much _better!" I was panicking, trying so hard to stop Shinji from yelling at me while not lying at the same time.

"Why should I trust you? You've done nothing to earn it!"

I really hadn't.

"Shinji, I… don't know what else to tell you," I told him. I just wanted the conversation to end.

His blue eyes hardened. "Were you honest with me? When you said everyone believes in me?"

I was an asshole. Of course he saw through it.

"No." The Third Child's expression hardened further, more than I'd ever seen it before. God help me, he looked more and more like his father. "But I do. Believe me when I say I _know _you will win." That was the honest-to-god truth.

Shinji didn't know what to think of that. His expression went from confused to doubt and then to anger, before he turned away from me without a word.

At least, until I heard him mutter "liar" under his breath, spitting the word out like a curse.

He left.

I rubbed my sides and watched him go. His steps were shaky; in fact, it looked like he was almost dragging his feet. His shoulders were tensed and his hands were balled into fists.

I stood alone on the platform. The two Evangelions on either side of me felt overbearing, and I couldn't help but feel utterly inadequate in the shadow of such giants.

What the hell just happened? I fucked up on a level I didn't think I could. Rei barely responded to me and Shinji hates me because I lied to his face. I had no clue I had pressed the wrong buttons with Shinji until it was too late. I could blame other fan fiction out there that kept showing how easy it is to change Shinji for the better,where all it took was a few kick-ass battles and getting laid. After reading so many versions of the same story over and over again, it became easy to be certain that was all it took. But then I'd be blaming others, who have never actually experienced this, for my failure. This was all my doing, and mine alone.

Shinji was a human being as complex as any other, not some two-dimensional caricature of a whiny brat. I'd defended his character from people who called him a pussy with no backbone- he'd proven himself many times over in battle, and if anyone was to blame for his flaws then it was his piece of shit father.

Okay, so maybe it was a lot more complicated than that.

But I'd been no better, expecting Shinji to just roll over to whatever I did to him. I even had the gall to think he'd thank me for it!

Besides, what does 'for the better' even mean? I'd been throwing the term around in my head without ever properly defining it. What right did I have to judge all him, or anyone, and deem them unworthy - and say they 'needed improvement'? I thought I had all the right in the world, because I was born in three dimensions and they weren't. Because I was _real_, and they weren't.

Maybe that was why I never really opened up to these people. They didn't _deserve_ to know the truth about me.

Though in my own defense, if I'd opened up and tried being honest, I might've tripped up and revealed something I shouldn't. That is, if they even believed me when they heard the truth. I doubt I would in their position. At best, they'd kick me out of NERV. At worst… well, torture was the first thing that came to mind. Immediate execution would be the best-case outcome. The worst would be becoming part of Instrumentality. I probably would never be allowed to see the Children in the time in-between and, even worse, my life would be forfeit.

But if I somehow managed to avoid or survive all of that? Not only would I lose what little credibility I already had, but the opportunity that I had to actually be the hero I was trying to be would be lost forever, all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. But even if it was to save my own skin, this approach is not working. Being reserved and withdrawn all the time never helps.

The story of Shinji Ikari was just that. Not mine. Deep down, a dark thought sprouted like a weed in my mind. Shinji called me out because he knew I didn't belong. I didn't belong in Tokyo-3, where humanity lived on a razor's edge. I belonged where Second Impact never happened, in the Midwest, surrounded by friends and family. I remembered that Fuyutsuki asked me why I was here.

I walked to the edge of the platform. There was no railing, and I couldn't see the ground below in the darkness. I leaned over the edge.

Why indeed?

_+hello+_

I cried out in a way that was neither un-manly nor high-pitched, jumping back from the edge and stepping back several feet. For a few seconds I stood utterly still, hearing nothing but my heart pounding in my chest. Finally, I called out a weak "Hello?"

Silence.

Of all the strange stuff I've experienced since I came to Tokyo-3, hearing voices was the most disconcerting. The Angel dreams could be hand-waved as my imagination just getting way out of hand. While weird and giving me awful headaches, they were predictable and appeared to be contained when I wrote them down. As for the strange vision of my past/future/whatever self, I haven't had to deal with anything like that in a while and it hadn't been detrimental to anything, really.

But hearing voices? Pretty sure that's one of the big no-no's of mental stability. To say that didn't bode well was a massive understatement.

But that wasn't even what bothered me the most. I hadn't heard the voice so much as _felt _it. The word had resonated within me, filling me very briefly with a flux of emotions that I could only partially identify and barely remember.

A mad thought crossed my mind.

"...Kaworu?" I hesitantly whispered into the night. When there was no answer, I tried again. "Tabris? Is that you?"

There was no response, only the awful stillness. Well, there went my theory that Kaworu might've been the one trying to guide me or something. He typically did that kind of thing, in fan fiction or otherwise. Just another expectation thrown out the window.

There was no-one in sight, save for the ominous form of Ramiel looming in the distance. Everyone was probably in the bunkers by now, which was where I really ought to be at any rate. I spared one last glance at the Fifth Angel and made my way back to the command bunker.

As bad as it was, I just didn't have the time to think about it anymore than I already had. The operation was about to begin.

I walked into the command center, trying my best not to interrupt anything. Maya and Makoto were at their stations along with another woman I didn't recognize, and Misato and Ritsuko were standing behind them. I moved to a spot next to Toji, who was leaning against the back of the room and sent me a nod.

"Yo."

"Yo." I responded. "How's it going?"

"Oh ya know, still got some homework overdue, I got a hangnail that's been bothering the shit outta me for a couple days now, and a giant-ass pyramid with freakin' laser beams outside threatening the world as we know it." Toji shrugged. "Typical week, really."

I rubbed the back of my head and laughed weakly. "Maybe that was a stupid question."

Anything Toji might've said in response was interrupted by a loud ring. The countdown had ended.

"It's time," stated Makoto, his glasses lit red by the glow of his monitor.

Misato leaned down into the mic and spoke to Shinji, giving him the same spiel as usual, then began barking orders as Operation Yashima rolled into motion. My whole body tensed as events began to play out like they always had, just waiting for that one change, that one catastrophic alteration of the established script that would lead to everything failing.

So far, so good.

"Unit 02, deploy." Misato ordered.

A second passed. Ramiel slagged a mountain. Another second. More missiles screamed towards their target. Another second. Another mountain.

"Unit 02?" To her credit, Misato didn't sound as panicked as the rest of us were. We all exchanged looks, but no one dared speak a word.

Still nothing.

Misato's back was to me, but I could just as easily see her stony expression growing tighter as she stated, "Operation continues. Unit 01, fire in your own time."

No time to demand answers. The clock was running, and it was too late to pull out. My nails dug into my flesh as I clenched my fists, ignoring the pain.

Unit 01 fired. The tactical map confirmed a direct hit on Ramiel. Everything stood still. I stopped breathing.

Ramiel _screamed_. The wail was high and full of agony, piercing through the many layers of concrete and metal between us and it.

For a brief second, I dared to hope. I should've known better.

Maya shouted that there was a massive power fluctuation within the Angel.

People exclaimed in disbelief. I yelled at everyone to get down, but it didn't matter anymore.

The world became sheer noise and force. A dozen pains hit me at once, and I couldn't help but remember Sachiel and how powerless and small I had felt then. I couldn't process everything that happened, just close my eyes and pray I'd live.

It all stopped. My back ached, my left arm hurt, and my head blazed with pain, but I was alive. Yay.

I tried to stand and winced as jolts of pain ran down my back again. I almost fell back down until I heard Misato's voice, laced with pain but full of steely resolve.

"How's the power system?"

"Still functional," confirmed Makoto. I was surprised with how together he sounded. I suppose that came with being an officer in a place like NERV.

"And the cannon?"

"Still good," responded Maya. She too seemed unperturbed despite everything.

Honestly, why had I expected any different? Following their example I stood up, doing my best to ignore the pain. Toji followed, grunting as he leaned against the wall.

"You okay?" he asked. Misato was trying to hail Shinji.

"Been better," I answered, finding it difficult to say much else. "You?"

"Psshh," he said, which was followed by a cough. "I've taken worse beatings from Class Rep."

_"Unit 02 engaging the enemy!"_ shouted a voice over the comms.

I smiled when I saw a red indicator appear on a tactical map, high above the Fifth Angel. I couldn't see the actual fight, so I was forced to rely on a low-res display that didn't show the action.

We could hear Asuka yelling at her foe and the tac map showed that a trail of weapons discharge followed in her wake. The red indicator changed slightly, revealing that Unit 02 had activated its progressive spear and made contact.

_Damn_, I would've loved to have seen that.

Another high energy reading from the Angel and we saw Unit 02 sent flying across the city, coming to a halt several miles away. A few people cried out in disbelief, and Misato started shouting Asuka's name. The Angel immediately began charging again, no doubt for the killing blow...

And was interrupted by the positron cannon making another direct hit. All motion ceased in the control room. Maya reported that the Angel's form was starting to deteriorate, confirming that it was a killing shot. We all breathed a sigh of relief.

Unit 01 was nothing more than a purple blip on the display, and was stated to be at less than 20% structural integrity. We could hear Shinji crying over the speakers.

The purple dot started to make its way to the red one when Maya reported that there was yet _another _power fluctuation within the Angel. Misato screamed Shinji's name, but it was too late.

Unit 00, nothing more than a orange dot on the screen, absorbed all of it. We all cheered when the Angel was _finally _reported to be dead.

Misato was the first to speak to the pilots' open comm feed. "Shinji? Are you there?"

A cough. _"Yeah. I'm here."_

"That's great," said Misato, trying and failing to hide her giddiness. "Rei? You okay, too?"

Rei's comm feed was silent.

_"Ayanami? Rei?! Rei, answer me!" _Shinji cried. With fumbling hands Unit 01 pried open Unit 00's entry plug. The world slowed down. Unit 01 ejected its plug. Shinji sprinted out. He opened Rei's entry plug. We all heard him as he peered inside and made an awful sobbing sound. He screamed.

_"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"_

* * *

**Author's Note: Many, many thanks to MAI742 for being my beta-reader for this chapter. Also, holy crap, 51 follows! That's awesome! Thanks to all of you! At any rate, this will likely be my last author's note for this story. Thanks for reading!**

**P.S. Reviews sustain me. TVTropes may or may not as well.**


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